5/22/2010 - Devo Spice

I am going to be away from a computer on Saturday, so the song of the day gets posted a few hours early.  Since Friday was the 30th anniversary of Pac Man, complete with really cool Google homepage with working Pac Man game, I figured we needed a Pac Man song.  So this is the 2007 release of Sudden Death's "Pac-Man" featuring ShoEboX, a parody of "Smack That" by Akon and Eminem.  It is still my favorite Pac Man song out there, although "Pac-Man is Naked and So Should You" is pretty good too.

So here's Devo Spice with ShoEboX with "Pac-Man".  Enjoy:

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<b>Lyrics</b>
8-bit, up front
Processor, Z-80
224 x 288 displaydy
Up at dawn, see the girl that I stayed with
Joystick callin' me, begging to be played with
Jump up, and then I make a run for
Find the nearest arcade, bust through the front door
I hear it, gotta track down
Ooh I see it, in the back now
I obey its insert coin orders
Money no problem, pocket full of quarters
I hear it beeping, I can see it in the corner
Wanna caress the yellow decals that adorn her
Maybe I'll take it home and hide it near my porno
And possibly play it naked, stand back I'm playing

Pac-Man, I'll play some more
Pac-Man, my arm is sore
Pac-Man, drool on the floor
Pac-Man, oooohhh
Pac-Man, I play for days
Pac-Man, I cleared the maze
Pac-Man, the practice pays
Pac-Man, (death sound)

Ooh, looks like another dumb sequel, they'll never
Equal the classic Pac-Man game
Baby Pac, Super Pac, what's next, Grandma and
Grandpa Pac-Man, man that's lame
Ghosts chase him all through the light blue walls
Eat a power pellet now they got blue balls
Wondering how he even moves at all
Or how much he can eat before nature calls
Cleared that stage didn't think I could do it
Gonna try the next one, nothing to it
Inky and Blinky got me on the run
And Pinky, ("NARF!"), no the other one
But there's a door to the right and I sneak away
Come back on the left now I'm on my way
It defies the laws of physics but I can't complain
Because I live to play again another day, Pac-Man!
I play each day so that my game will keep improving
Some day I'll figure out just how the ghosts are moving
Can't wait to see the big budget live action movie
With Richard Simmons as Pinky, and Patrick Stewart as
Pac-Man, I played till 4:00
Pac-Man, got the high score
Pac-Man, my wife is sore
Pac-Man, "Get your ass back home right now!"
Pac-Man, I see that blob
Pac-Man, my nipples throb
Pac-Man, I lost my job
Pac-Man, "You're fired!"

Games today, they got high def graphics
Real time 3D, looking fantastic
Accurate physics, rumble controllers
Sex and violence and still these games all
Suck! Seriously, what the f...heck?!
They play just like a train wreck
They can't compete with this yellow circle

I play it every time I'm hanging out at the mall
It's on my cell phone so I play whenever I call
Maybe I'll have the ROM implanted in my eyeball
So that I'm always playing, 'cause damn I love that
Pac-Man, big yellow head
Pac-Man, no blood is shed
Pac-Man, no hookers dead
Pac-Man, ooooohhh
Pac-Man, can't play no more
Pac-Man, they locked the door
Pac-Man, "You're mom's a whore!"
Pac-Man, "Let me in, damn it! I have to play! *sob* Pac-Man! PAAAAC-MAAAAANNNNN!! *bwa-ha-ha!*

"Dammit, where's my megaphone?"
"Dude, you're totally obsessed"
"Oh, bite me."

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5/21/2010 - Daniel Iorio

Daniel Iorio is a songwriter from Montreal. With the hockey playoffs now featuring the Montreal Canadians and the Philadelphia Flyers, I guess some bad blood is starting to brew. Hearing that it is Philadelphia, that little surprise. After all, they booed Santa Clause. One fan purposely threw up on an off-duty police officer and his daughter at a Phillies game.
Well, apparently Pat Hickey, a sports writer who follows the Montreal Canadians, was parked outside of the hockey game in Philadelphia when someone vandalized his car, ripped off the rubber from the front bumper, and stole his license plate. Having to drive back to Montreal that night, he did get stopped twice by the police but they let him go because they heard about the incident on the news. Well, the guy who vandalized the car was brilliant. He went and posted the stolen license plate picture on Facebook bragging how he vandalized some poor Montreal fan's car. He is now denying it was him since the police have become involved, but I see a segment here for News of the Stupid.
Daniel Iorio does a parody of "Streets of Philadelphia" called, "Cheese of Philadelphia." Enjoy:

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5/20/2010 - Tim Hawkins

Tim Hawkins is a comedian who does parody songs from time to time. If you have a chance to check out his youtube channel because there are many funny songs there. This is his newest one, a parody of "Dust in the Wind."
As I told my wife yesterday, fart humor is always funny. So this is "A Whiff of Kansas" by Tim Hawkins. Enjoy:

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5/19/2010 - Brent Jowers

Ugly jokes can be funny. As long as they aren't too serious or against the ugly kid at school. Making fun of ugly kids is no fun. But this song is pretty good -- not too serious, not directed at a kid, so it's acceptable.
Brent Jowers is a 33 year old from Hianes City, Florida and has had some of his songs played on local radio stations in Jacksonville, Tampa and St. Louis -- where St. Louis came from, beats me.
This song is called, "Fuglyville" and is a parody of "Chain Hang Low". Hope you enjoy it.

Lyrics
INTRO
This song is called Fuglyville. It's for all the people looking like they were a saber necked marsh badger in a previous life, but didn't complete the metamorphosis

CHORUS
You look like a scarecrow mated with a buffalo
Please don't stand near the light, or your fuglyness will glow
It looks like your shoulders threw up ugly casserole
Ooh your face is gross
Is that your face?

Catfish would even think that it is a disgrace
It hurts my eyes just like I sprayed my face with mace
Plus it could be a stunt double for your ace
Is that your face(repeat)

VERSE 1
It's true that you are ugly
Head butt a moving truck, you would look more studly
And you are not Luke, and I am not your father
But you need Vader's mask, cause you look like Chewbacca
Face fubared like you bobbed for hot grits
And you need to get a grip on them chapped lips
Cause they're all cracked up, dry rotted and they're split
Get them right, treat them nice, and go get some Chap Stick
Man it seems that your lips are straight beat
They're all cracked up, just like some old concrete
So chapped and white, looking at them seems
Just like they are a stack of powdered Krispy Kremes

CHORUS

Verse 2
It's true that you are hoagly
You made a pit bull ball up like a rolly polly
Your mom puts your pictures in a tinted frame kid
They make you wear a ski mask when you're in the bank kid
You're looking scary to me
Plus your eyes are bugged out like a ferret on speed
And your skin I mean please
It's greasy and oily as truck stop grilled cheese
Your toofs are looking crude
Green, yellow, orange, red, blue, like a Rubik's Cube
And you need to buy cream
Cause your face is bumpy like Braille Chinese writing
Got a unibrow, Schick Tracer's what you're needing
Looks like a chipmunk is on your forehead sleeping
Call you bongo, looks like your face done took a beating
Every time you knock on someone's door, they think you're trick or treating

CHORUS
OUTRO
You know how they say ugly's a relative term
Well that's appropriate...
Because your relatives..
They're looking pretty beat down too.
Why don't you go burrow in the muck somewhere...
You're scaring the children...and the bunny rabbits...
That's just not right no matter how you cut it...
Now get out of public before an aardvark files a restraining order on you

Read more...

5/18/2010 - Jeff Reuben

Well, this was late. Sorry, I woke up late. So I had to do it after work, which means that I get to look for stuff that came out during the day, including this song. This is Jeff Reuben's new song: "Carry-On". Love airport humor, especially since I'll be flying in a couple of weeks. Must pack the razor in my non-carry-on unless I want to be Grizzly Adams with a beard.

Here's Jeff Reuben with "Carry-On"

Lyrics
Airport: I'm taking no crap
Flip off attendants outside at the sky cap
Not gonna check luggage, for my trip to Italy
They'd end up in Sudan, or in the Bering Sea

Got my bag, headed through security
It's a good thing I got here six hours early
So with a huff, put my stuff through the x-ray
Then the guard told me what he would take a-way

Took my knives, sheers, beers, wine, ski poles, naughty toys
And my pet rat, sword, bat
Won't fly with the TSA boys

Let me find my license, baby, while I wait in line
Check the boarding pass to see the seat I've been assigned
Just want to get on to the airplane
But they told me of a fee that I did not pay

Check it

Thought I'd save a little money with my
Carry-on
Did not pack a bulky suitcase just a
Carry-on
Used my gross, old gym bag for my
Carry-on
Should have washed my bag before I
Brought it on

Why the hell they gonna charge me for my
Carry-on
It took time to stuff my whole life in this
Carry-on
I asked why, they didn't want to
Hear it boy
So I paid, they told me "That's the
'Spirit'" boy

Anyone, else think it's kind of strange
That the in-flight movie is Snakes On A Plane
Now of course you know I see the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign
You see I hope that you can help me out with mine

Baby there's no need for you to be rude
Please just answer don't give me no altitude
Getting hungry, can you feed me
And can you bring a pillow and blankee?

I want nuts, chips, drinks, shots and sky mag
And if I get airsick
I'd like to buy a vomit bag

When the stewardess comes, Imma make my move
Cause I think she's hot and she likes to groove
And now she's giving me the eye I think she's into me
But to join Club Mile High, she will charge a fee

Sold!

Must be policy to charge me for my
Carry-on
Wish I'd shut up but I think I'm gonna
Carry-on
Shouldn't pack, my razor in my
Carry-on
Shouldn't pack, no lasers in my
Carry-on

Still I can't believe they charged me for my
Carry-on
They have height and weight restrictions on my
Carry-on
Shouldn't pack, no ice cream in my
Carry-on
Cause they won't, help me clean out my
Carry-on

"What's your name?
Where's your passport?
Did someone ask
You to take stuff for them?"

Open flame
A six-pack of beer
I know it's lame
You can't take that on here

Your luggage may (What's your name?)
Have shifted (Pull my finger)
Please be careful (Please don't stuff me)
When you unload it (In the overhead bin)

Seats upright (Approaching)
In locked position (Our final descent)
Put up your trays (We're glad you flew)
In good condition (With us, please come again)

Thought I'd save a little money with my
Carry-on
Did not pack a bulky suitcase just a
Carry-on
Used my gross, old gym bag for my
Carry-on
Should have washed my bag before I
Brought it on

Why the hell they gonna charge me for my
Carry-on
It took time to stuff my whole life in this
Carry-on
I asked why, they didn't want to
Hear it
So I paid, they told me "That's the
'Spirit'"

Please don't kick me off!

Read more...

5/17/2010 - Tom Smith

Yesterday was the 20th anniversary of the death of one of my favorite people ever, Jim Henson. Anyone who has ever picked up a puppet, who has ever performed in front of an audience, has something to thank Jim Henson for. He elevated the art of puppetry beyond anything it had ever seen before and gave the world the puppet icon to this day. The Muppets lost their way for years after the death of Jim Henson and I think they are barely starting to get back on track 20 years later. His creativity, his dreams, his rainbow chasing is too hard to replace and only be hoped to be imitated. I saw a speech by Frank Oz from Jim's memorial service that said that Jim Henson was a great appreciator, one who can stand back and see the good even in the mistakes and appreciate it. Frank said that the pose he remembers Jim in is not with the puppet on his hand but with his arms crossed, watching a TV and smiling at the work being done, appreciating it. I think that's inspirational, to appreciate what is there as another moment to laugh, love and live.
This song isn't funny. You may want to grab some tissue. It is "A Boy and His Frog" by Tom Smith. Thank you Jim for the fond memories that still guide me to chase the rainbows, move right along through good news and bad news, and see the world through the eyes of puppets.
"A Boy and His Frog":

Lyrics
Life is unfair, so they tell me,
Because they think I wouldn't know.
They only can see a cheap gimmick
On their children's favorite show.

They say, "Oh, that's just foam and a wire,
Attached to a green velvet sleeve,
Anyone can do that" -- well, that's true, I suppose,
But who else could make them believe?

What can I say without you there to guide me?
How else am I supposed to give?
How can I sing without you there beside me?
How else am I supposed to live?

You could never just do the expected,
I was just an idea in a bog,
But you sewed up your dream and we made quite a team,
Jim and Kermit, a boy and his frog.

It was me, Rolph, and you, but I think that he knew
There was something that you and I had.
The magic we made just kept growing,
And none of it ever was bad.

Then came Ernie and Scooter and Gonzo,
Doctor Teeth, Cookie Monster, and more.
But now all of those voices are silent,
And I want to go on... but what for?

No one can make me what you did,
No one could walk in your shoes,
Nothing can make me forget you,
But that's not a thing that I'd choose.

I can't just let it be over,
And you wouldn't want it that way,
So I'll stand up and I'll face it,
And, though not quite in your voice, I'll say:

I will go on without you there to guide me,
There's so much more I can give.
Whenever I sing, you will be there beside me,
As long as I keep you, you'll live.

We just wanted to make people happy,
I was always much more than your toy.
I will never regret and I'll never forget
What we had,
I'll miss you, Dad,
This frog and his boy.

Read more...

5/16/2010 - Seamonkey

They have holidays for everything. Today, for instance, is Sea Monkey day. They have holidays for dementia artists now? When is Luke Ski day? Barnes and Barnes Day? How about a day for William Shatner? Oh wait, I did that holiday.
So, here is Seamonkey with "Minimum Wage" to celebrate his holiday. Enjoy:



Lyrics
My job's going nowhere... so's my pay
And my employer has me workin' every day
And what do I get for bein' a slave?
FIVE BUCKS AN HOUR!
That's only pocket change...

Even though I know
Business has been slow
So has my cash flow
I need more dough!

Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!
And my boss will say what is my loss is always his gain!
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!

Now they paid me... only two days ago
And now it's all gone! Nothin' left to show
And what do I want? I want a raise!
But what do I get?
A decrease in pay....

All my money's spent
I got no benefits
But I must pay rent
So I can't quit !!!!!

Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!
And my Uncle Sam's wanting more than I'll ever make!
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum WAGE!

Tell me now this can't be true
What am I supposed to do?
Tell me now this can't be true, yeah
I'm about to come unglued!
Tell me now what can I do oh yeahhhhhhh....

Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!
And my boss will say what is my loss is always his gain!
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum WAGE!

Despite all my rage I am still making minimum
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum
Despite all my rage I am still making minimum wage!

Tell me now this can't be true
I feel like I'm getting screwed
Now my phone bill's three months overdue!

And I still believe that I must have a raise!
And I still believe that I must have a raise!
Yeah I still believe that I must have a raise!
I still believe that I must have a raise!

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5/15/2010 - Veggietales

Well, today I am leading a Veggietales Sing-A-Long at my parent's church. A friend of mine introduced me to Veggietales shortly after I got out of the Navy and I grabbed that like it was oxygen and ran with it. I did a speech in my college speech class about what Veggietales was and why they should be watching it (which got rave reviews.) The kids at my church have all been introduced to it numerous times. I know a most of the early songs (the last few DVDs I have been too busy to actually even watch... must get around to that.) So when my mom wanted to do a Veggietales Sing-A-Long, she asked me to lead it. It should be fun... singing some songs, doing some magic, performing with Clunky, my big brown Cookie Monster like puppet. I wouldn't consider it a Medemia concert because, well, it's not my songs, but I can see where it is good experience :) It should be fun.
In the middle of most Veggietales shows, there is a segment called, "Silly Songs with Larry." It's the part of the show where Larry (the Cucumber) comes out and sings a silly song. Fun stuff. This is one of my favorite silly songs, "Schoolhouse Polka". Enjoy:

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5/14/2010 - The Aquabats

Today's post is less about the song and more about the story of the celebration. In 1945, a farmer went out to get a chicken for dinner. He found a nice rooster and decided that was the one to eat. He swung his ax and decapitated it. Well, the rooster went back to pecking for food immediately. Apparently, the axe had chopped off most of the head, but had missed the jugular vein, left one ear and part of the brain, including the entire brain stem. The farmer, thinking this was weird, left the poor rooster to die overnight. In the morning, he walks out and the rooster is still alive, its head under its wing. So, the farmer decides that if the rooster wants to live that bad, he'll find a way to feed it. So the legend of Mike the Rooster is born.
Mike lived for 18 months, becoming a national phenomenon with a national tour. He went from being 2 lbs to 8 lbs being fed by an eyedropper. So the every 3rd weekend of May, in the town of Fruita, Colorado, the story of Mike the Headless Chicken is celebrated to commemorate the fact that, in fact, you do not need a mind to live, just will.
Find out more about Mike the Chicken Here
And our song, in keeping with Mike the Chicken, is "Magic Chicken" by the Aquabats. Enjoy:

Lyrics
I was born out back
Behind the chicken shack
I was raised in a cardboard box
And before when I was single
I used to hear the chicken jingle
That's how I learned the chicken rock
When I'm in the mood, dude
I get some nuggets and stuff
And head on down to the fights
I'm rolling in my wheelchair
Zipping down the hill
I'm screaming out "chicken"
In the middle of the night

[Chorus]
Ooh ooh, ooh ooh
Chicken makes me feel so good [x4]

When I first met my baby
I was sipping chicken gravy
And I thought I had to close up shop
(Weee pang!)
Now were wedding in a chapel
Eating chicken, drinking Snapple
Our chicken love you just can't stop
When I'm done a working
A sweating and a jerking,
And the bossman comes and tells me when
I'm going home to baby
Got my chicken, got my gravy
And we do the chicken dance again

[Chorus]

Do the popcorn chicken
(Do the popcorn chicken)
Do the K-F-C
(Do the K-F-C)
Do the buffalo wing
(Do the buffalo wing)
Do the pioneer
(Do the pioneer)
Can you dig it?
We got the chicken!
Cut it up, cut it up, cut it up
We got some chicken guts
In a chicken cup!

I'm a chicken ma-chine!!!
[x4]

Roscoe's
We got the chicken!
Goldenbasket
We got the chicken!
Popeye's
We got the chicken!
Pappy Parker's
We got the chicken!.

[Chorus]

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/aquabats/#share

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5/13/2010 - The Casimir Engine

There are those commercials about the guy working as a surgeon who makes a brilliant move, the nurse asks him about being a surgeon, and he replies that he isn't, but he stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night, implying that the experience made him brilliant in fields he knew nothing about. I'm not sure if I feel the same way now after listening to this song, but I do feel... something. It may be a slight tickle, or a couple of brain cells dying, but hey, that's dementia music for you :)
This is The Casimir Engine, which consist of David (?) from the U.K with, "Holiday Inn Express". Enjoy:

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5/12/2010 - Medemia

On May 4th, 17 year old Steve Consalvi called and asked his dad if it was O.K. for him to go run out on the field at the Philadelphia Phillies baseball game. Dad apparently said no, which any good father would, but 17 year olds know more than their parents, so he went anyway. For his efforts, he was tased.
This song is about 3 taser incidents, Steve Consalvi's, an 72 year old woman who began cursing a police officer who pulled her over and dared him to tase her to stop her from getting back into her truck and driving away, and the Florida University student who was tased at a John Kerry townhall meeting, better known as the "Don't Tase Me, Bro" incident.
Here's "The Taser Dance". I hope you enjoy:

You can run if you want to
You can leave your seat behind
‘Cause your dad says go and if he says go
Well, you can lose your mind
I say, you can run to the third bag
On the base I’m sure you’ll find
You can scare Jimmy Rollins into running away
Leave his glove there far behind
And you can run
Phil-lies

Go as fast as you want to
Not as young as you was once
And the cop pulls you off from the road that you drive
And you think that he’s a dunce
Say, you tell him that you’re done here
He says don’t, I will stop you
But you walk with a ‘tude because he’s been rude
Who cares about the man in blue

And say

You’ll be stunned, You’ll be stunned
When things are out of control
Best not run, best not run
You’ll be shaking like a fool
They will chase, they will chase
The cop just can’t run that fast
Don’t resist, don’t resist,
Or you’ll be changing your pants

It’s a Taser dance
Oh well, it’s a taser dance
Yes it’s a Taser Dance
It’s the Taser dance

Well you ask if you want to
You’ve got all your books and mind
You can ask John Kerry why he didn’t query
About fraud at election time
I say, you can shout if you want to
You can push those guards behind
But when you interrupt the forum and mess with decorum
Well, the hooks will unwind

Don’t let you know, let you know
What you did that was wrong
You should know, you should know
Maybe you should heed this song
Don’t do it bro, don’t do it bro
Please just listen to me
Don’t tase me bro, Turn it off
I forgot to use my Degree

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5/11/10 - Rhett and Link

I stumbled on this one today looking for something to celebrate, "Eat What You Want Day." So forget your diet and go do some fattening fast food.

This is Rhett and Link with, "Fast Food Folk Song." The Taco Bell worker is pretty good. Enjoy:



Lyrics
LYRICS:
Iʼll start with a taco, soft like a cloud
I want mine crunchy, I like to eat loud.
Iʼll choose a chalupa, Iʼll grab a gordita,
and two taco salads for our senoritas.
And a Burrito Supreme, with extra sour cream
Itʼs a cylindrically shaped seasoned beef dream.
A taquito. An enchirito. Some cinnamon twists.
A chicken border bowl. Are you gettinʼ all this?

And you know that nothing beats a
hmmm, mmmm...Mexican Pizza...
Weʼll take two of those, but please hold the diced tomatoes.
And I admit, Iʼve always felt,
like Iʼm in love with the meximelt.
Make mine with a little extra love, and think of me...
as the cheese drops from your Taco Bell glove.
and thatʼs it.

No! Iʼm not done...Iʼll also take a...

Double-decker taco cause Iʼm feeling wild
And make my sauce Fire. Uh, heʼll take mild.
and weʼll take two Mt. Dew Baja blasts
for a chance at 25 dollars cash
Iʼm told thereʼs a winner for every 5 minutes
Iʼm stealing your online code if you win it.
Why would you do that? You owe me 25 bones
I owe you 5. Plus interest--it was a loan.
And I think weʼll be satisfied, if we get some mexican rice on the side.
And thatʼs it.

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5/10/2010 - Rick Cormier

59 year old Rick Cormier is starting to get some play lately in dementia circles (and when I say that, Emi/DJ Particle is playing him on her weekly show as of late.) He has some interesting ideas and executes them well. The video on his main music page on his Soundclick music page sounds like it should be done by the Boobles -- if they did Elvis songs. But this is not about that song.
Rick Cormier has recalled the spirit of Rod Sterling in this song in a parody of the classic Carpenter's song, "Close to You." Here, Rod talks about how he cannot get a date because you have taken drastic, Twilight Zone worthy, steps to ensure that you're the only one around able to get a date. Well, you technically.
Here's Rick Cormier with, "Clones of You"

Lyrics
Why do you suddenly appear
Over there, when you're here?
Goodness me, he seems to be cloned from you

People stop. Stare in dumb surprise
Because twice, you've walked by
Golly gee, there's at least three clones of you

In the days before their births, the doctors got together
And decided to create another you
So, they sprinkled cells from sterile vials and, in a while
Instead of one, there's two!

That is why all the girls in town, when I call, turn me down
They've got dates with ninety-eight clones of you

Serling: OK, repeat the bridge then do the third verse again,
and repeat the outro over and over and over
Mac: Copy that, Mr. Serling
Serling: And, what song are we doing after this?
Mac: I Know There'll Never be Another You, Mr. Serling
Serling: Oh goodie, I like that one!

In the days before their births, the doctors got together
And decided to create another you
So, they sprinkled cells from sterile vials and, in a while
Instead of one, there's two!

That is why all the girls in town, when I call, turn me down
They've got dates with ninety-eight clones of you
I'm too late......they procreate....with clones.....of you

Waaaaaaaaaa.....clones of you
Waaaaaaaaaa.....clones of you
Waaaaaaaaaa.....clones of you
Waaaaaaaaaa.....clones of you

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5/9/2010 - Paul and Storm

Well, this is really, "The Barry Tones" which is Paul and Storm in 4 part harmony. Since it's Mother's Day, I thought a thoughtful, touching, thank you song to all the moms of the world would be in order. Since I really couldn't find one of those, here's Paul and Storm's "Mother's Day Song". Enjoy:

http://www.paulandstorm.com/news2us/28-Mothers%20Day%20Song%20%5Bstudio%20verson%5D.mp3

Wow, that works. There's the link to the page it's actually on. Happy Mother's Day to you!

Lyrics
Mother’s Day is here
Everybody give a cheer
For the ladies that we call our Mother Dear

I tried to find a card
But you know, it’s really hard
To find the one that captures all the love that’s in my heart

And so instead, I’m singing you this song
Because I am so grateful to you, Mom…

So I say
Thanks for having intercourse with dad
Without a condom, sponge or IUD
Your lack of objection to sex without protection
Made a sperm and egg turn into me

You gave me life, love, a home, and food and clothing every day
I gave you stretch marks and extra weight that never quite went away

I mean it
Thanks for having intercourse with dad
The carnal act that brought me here to you
I don’t know if it was varied or merely missionary
But it sure was good for me; was it for you?

I’m elated that you mated
Your love you consummated
You got inseminated
Then waited and inflated
Inside you I gestated
Until from your womb I cascaded

Thank you Mom…for doing…my Dad!
(I’m so glad that he had you, thanks for doing my Dad)

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5/8/2010 - Crazy Frog

It's beginning to sound like Saturday night with Blaksmith in here! If you listen to Dementia Radio on Saturday night, Blak usually plays four versions of this song. This is my favorite of the four because of the Crazy Frog interludes. This is "Popcorn" by Crazy Frog. Are you ready to dance?

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5/7/2010 - Five Iron Frenzy

Happy No Pants Day! Well, I'm wearing pants though. Don't want to scar my daughters and co-workers for life -- as well as keep my job. They have no sense of humor there.

To celebrate this annual celebration, I submit this Rock Opera to you. Five Iron Frenzy is my favorite group of all time. They are a Christian ska group that really had some fun. Some of their stuff is just plain silly and fun. In reality, their music, with Weird Al, really was my gateway into the dementia community. Too funny. Unfortunately, the group has gone the way of a car after Chris Waffle driving it and broken up, but their songs remain.

This is some group's lip sync of most of the Rock Opera. This is the "Pants Rock Opera", also affectionately called, "These Are Not My Pants." Enjoy:

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5/6/2010 - Ramstein

How do you sum up a career in 3 and a half minutes? Well, Ramstein has decided to try to tackle this task with his song about David Hasselhoff.
Ramstein is Joseph Mythosian from Fort Collins, Colorado. Here he takes the greatest one hit wonder of the 1980's and makes it about the career of David Hasselhoff. Here is Ramstein, parodying A-Ha's, "Take on Me" called, "Hasselhoff." Enjoy:

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5/5/2010 - Tom Lehrer

To tell you the truth, I suggested this song on the MMA as a Cinco De Mayo song never actually hearing the song, just on the name alone. Well, I guess I have to say... my instincts were 100% right! Wow, what a great politically incorrect song to celebrate a holiday not even celebrated in Mexico but gives millions of Americans the excuse to get drunk and miss work tomorrow!
Tom Lehrer sings this song about a trip down to Guadalajara and visiting the bull fighting ring. Listening to the studio version, I can still hear the points where the audience would chuckle slightly and then where there would be a roar of laughter. Very funny song that would probably get him killed by someone today, here is Tom Lehrer with "In Old Mexico". Enjoy:



Lyrics
When it's fiesta time in Guadalajara,
Then I long to be back once again
In Old Mexico.
Where we lived for today,
Never giving a thought to tomara.
To the strumming of guitars,
In a hundred grubby bars
I would whisper "Te amo."

The mariachis would serenade,
And they would not shut up till they were paid.
We ate, we drank, and we were merry,
And we got typhoid and dysentery.

But best of all, we went to the Plaza de Toros.
Now whenever I start feeling morose,
I revive by recalling that scene.
And names like Belmonte, Dominguin, and Manolete,
If I live to a hundred and eighty,
I shall never forget what they mean.

(For there is surely nothing more beautiful in this
world than the sight of a lone man facing singlehandedly
a half a ton of angry pot roast!)

Out came the matador,
Who must have been potted or
Slightly insane, but who looked rather bored.
Then the picadors of course,
Each one on his horse,
I shouted "Ole!" ev'ry time one was gored.

I cheered at the bandilleros' display,
As they stuck the bull in their own clever way,
For I hadn't had so much fun since the day
My brother's dog Rover
Got run over.

(Rover was killed by a Pontiac. And it was done with
such grace and artistry that the witnesses awarded the
driver both ears and the tail - but I digress.)

The moment had come,
I swallowed my gum,
We knew there'd be blood on the sand pretty soon.
The crowd held its breath,
Hoping that death
Would brighten an otherwise dull afternoon.

At last, the matador did what we wanted him to.
He raised his sword and his aim was true.
In that moment of truth I suddenly knew
That someone had stolen my wallet.

Now it's fiesta time in Akron, Ohio,
But it's back to old Guadalajara I'm longing to go.
Far away from the strikes of the A.F. of L. and C.I.O.
How I wish I could get back
To the land of the wetback,
And forget the Alamo,
In Old Mexico. Ole!

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5/4/2010 - Moosebutter

Well, today is May 4th. May the 4th be with you! (I stole that from David Tanny. It is very funny though.)
To celebrate today's date, here is a big viral video about Star Wars and John Williams, but it's not by Corey Vidal, who made the video famous with his 4-man solo act lip sync of it. It is by the original group, Moosebutter. Check out Moosebutter on their webpage, Moosebutter.com. They've got other songs there to listen there, including a puppet video of Psycho: The Musical.
Here's Moosebutter with, "Star Wars (John Williams is the Man)":

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5/3/2010 - Max DeGroot

I've featured Max quite a few times. Well, here he is again with a new song. I had my wife listen to it last night and all she could say is... "Oh, gross. Potty humor." It didn't have the same effect on me :)
Here's Max DeGroot with, "Bathroom Blues." Enjoy:

Lyrics
They called a meeting right at 8 AM
I got some joe when I was driving in
They served some more just as the meet began
Then talked about our stupid business plan

Sitting three whole hours list'ning to this bull
Now my kidney's working and my bladder's full
Wish they'd end this meeting cause I need to go
Now they're saying stuff that I don't need to know

Cause I need to go
I need to go
End this stupid meeting cause I need to go
I need to go
I need to go
Stop your stupid yapping cause I need to go

This Powerpoint is boring me to tears
My butt feels like it's sitting here for years
The charts and graphs are blurring in my brain
I want to flush it all right down the drain

My every thought is of a waterfall
It's getting harder not to leak at all
But this room is just not where I need to be
The only thing is I need's a place to pee

Cause I need to go
I need to go
Don't care about our profits cause I need to go
I need to go
I need to go
Just put it in a memo, cause I need to go

Cause I need to go
I need to go
My eyes are turning yellow cause I need to go
I need to go
I need to go
Please have mercy on me cause I need to go

Reach the damn conclusion don't leave me in fear
Wondering if I'm ever getting out of here
Tell me what the point is please don't mess around
I feel the level rising soon my brain will drown

Cause I need to go
I need to go
Before I leave a puddle, please, I need to go
I need to go
I need to go
Let us take a break because I....oh dammit...

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5/2/2010 - Tom Smith

Thanks to Dr. Don, we have this wonderful live version of Tom Smith singing, "Just Give the Money to Me." As a bonus track, the end is Worm Quartet singing, "R2-D2". This is live at PenguiCon, which is happening as I type. Here's Tom Smith at the FuMP-For-All, "Just Give The Money to Me":

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5/1/2010 - Dean Elliot

Happy May 1st. There's love in the air. As well as protests and communist nostalgia. Ah, a great day to be alive.
No, I'm not putting Jonathan Coulton's song up today. I thought about it but that definitely does not pass my self-imposed profanity limit. Instead, with Cirque du So What coming out with Stoogefighter, I thought this one could be funny. It's ok. It's Dean Elliot doing a experimental mix of backing track and various Three Stooges clips. He was experimenting with Cakewalk as someone who works as a tech writer for them. This is called, "Curly's Trance". Enjoy:

Dean Elliot can be found on Soundclick. He has another, more recent song that is pretty funny that DJ Particle played on Revenge recently called, "TSB" that definitely doesn't pass profanity filters. Have a good day!

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4/30/2010 - Weird Al Yankovic

Well, this month I have been reviewing songs that may have influenced Weird Al to become the musician he is -- mainly by looking at the Dr. Demento Funny 25/50 for the years 1972-1978. I do realize that Al started submitting stuff prior to 1978, but that was a good cut off. Well, all that background now leads me to a parody of his that I have never heard before today.
I can't find what show this originally aired on, but it has appeared on at least 3 Dr. Demento shows since 1980, all in the last 13 years. But even dmdb.org credits this to coming out from a 1980 submission. It even says it was a live submission but I can't find the show. Oh well.
This is "Won't Eat Prunes Again" by Weird Al Yankovic. It is a parody of The Who (who?) "Won't Be Fooled Again", which was their closing concert song. I hadn't heard either song, so it's all new to me! Enjoy:



Lyrics
It was just the other day
When we went to Joe's Cafe
Just to order up a couple steaks to eat

But we noticed something wrong
All the Worcestershire was gone
But the waitress brought a different kind of treat

She said this sauce was the chef's new creation
Guaranteed, it's a new taste sensation
But she warned us it's made out of prunes
"Try a little if you dare"
"Nothing can compare"
So we had some and now we swear
We won't eat prunes again

That was such a dirty trick
Boy, it really made us sick
Well it looks like we've been done in by the prune

Still the memory lingers on
I been livin' in the john
'Cause I've had the runs since Monday afternoon

I'd sell my soul for some new constipation
Need a cure for this new aggravation
Diarrhea has taken its toll
Still got the runs today
Just like yesterday
Buddy, that's why I'm hear to say
We won't eat prunes again

Won't eat prunes again
No no

Yeah

Eat the new sauce
Same as the old sauce

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4/29/10 - Mary Rice Hopkins

Well, we take a break from this history lesson to celebrate my wife's birthday. I asked her about her favorite funny song and she came up with this one. It's called "Juggling Mom" by Mary Rice Hopkins. I have seen Mary Rice Hopkins live a couple of times at conferences that I have been to. She is a children's singer who tours with a traveling puppet stage manned... or womaned by Darcie Maze.

Here's Mary Rice Hopkins with "Juggling Mom". Happy birthday to my juggling wife.

Take 2: I can't embed this song at all. You can find it on Rhapsody complete or here is a segment from her site:

Juggling Mom

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4/28/10 - Lonnie Donegan

Wow, 2 more days of my month of review. And more interesting - this is my 200th song of the day. It's been a fun journey of exploration so far so I'll keep it coming :)
"Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor" was originally, "Does Your Spearmint Lose It's Flavor" when it was first written in 1924 but because of British copyright laws not allowing the mention of a copyrighted product in songs unless you were the copyright owner, Lonnie Donegan changed it to the generic, "Chewing Gum".
Lonnie Donegan has the honor to be known as the most successful British musician before the Beatles. He had 24 top 30 hits in the UK and the first Brit to have two top 10 hits in the U.S. He was known as a skiffle band, an older form of American Jazz that really had gone by the wayside by the 1950s in the US but was revived by Lonnie in the UK. Usually, Skiffle bands played assorted homemade instruments such as the kazoo, washboard, cigar box, musical saw, with a banjo and guitar thrown in for good measure. Seems to me like something you'd see in old Bugs Bunny cartoons.
Well, "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor" became Donegan's biggest hit and is still popular in Dementia circles, having been played numerous times on Dr. Demento's show as well as his CDs. So here is Lonnie Donegan with "Does Your Chewing Gum Lose It's Flavor". Enjoy:



The Lyrics change on every version I find.... funny :)

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4/27/10 - Sheriff John

I can't figure out how to embed today in firefox. Something's screwy.

I can't say it better than this video, so watch the video, then click on the link below to hear the song. And laugh and be happy!



Laugh and Be Happy

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4/26/2010 - The Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizzario Band

This is getting right on the edge of the time frame that I wanted to look at. And it is, by far, the longest group name I've ever featured. Even the Roto Rooter Goodtime Christmas Band pales in comparison.
The Ogden Edsl Wahalia Blues Ensemble Mondo Bizzario Band, which will be shortened to Ogden Edsl from here on out, were a Nebraska dark comedy band which started touring the area in the early 70's. The group consisted of Bill Frenzer, Bill Carey and Otis XII. Their shows consisted of music, comedy sketches and appeared to be one of the first to enhance their shows with videos long before MTV and the VCR.
The group toured until 1983 when they retired as a group. They did one last gig together on October 27, 2001 in Omaha, Nebraska as a performance to their induction to the Nebraska Music Hall of Fame. I didn't even know such a place existed.
So, this morning, I woke up and this song was already playing in my head, wondering, why? I thought I'd share the earworm with you! Here is Ogden Edsl with "Dead Puppies." No matter what, the song is fun even if the subject matter isn't.



Please excuse the intro if you wanted just the song. I like the sketch too.

BTW, Roman Hruska was a Senator from Nebraska, so that line is in reference to him.

Lyrics

Dead puppies
Dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun

They don't come when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all
Dead puppies aren't much fun

My puppy died late last fall
He's still rotting in the hall
Dead puppies aren't much fun, no no no
Mom says puppy's days are through
She's going to throw him in the stew
Dead puppies aren't much fun

Dead puppies
(Dead dead dead) dead puppies
Dead puppies aren't much fun

(Come on everybody out there, sing along ok?)

(Dead dead dead) dead puppies
(Dead dead dead) dead puppies
(Dead dead dead) dead puppies aren't much fun

(One more time for Roman Hruska)
Dead puppies
Dead puppies

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4/25/2010 - Larry Groce

Larry Groce is a host on NPR. He sang 4 records of children songs for Disney. But for one song, Larry Groce was a dementia artist. And quite the song it was.
To me, it looks like Larry Groce was a child of the 60's -- he went around as a traveling musician from school to school and ended up getting funding from the National Endowment of the Arts to do so. He did have a song called, "Winnie the Pooh for President" which Disney picked up and released (I'm surprised they didn't sue him into oblivion!)
Well, in 1975, Groce wrote this song and started performing it in 1976, where it reached #9 on the Billboard charts. I can't even fathom comedy songs today making the Billboard charts with the merging of all the stations under one or two companies and no one breaking format, ever. Anyway, here is Larry Groce's tell of a double life -- "Junk Food Junkie".



Lyrics
Well you know I love that organic cookin'
I always ask for more
They call me Mr. Natural
On down to the health food store
I only eat good sea-salt
White sugar don't touch my lips
And my friends is always beggin' me to take 'em
On macro-biotic trips
But at night I take out my strongbox
That I keep under lock and key
And I take it off to my closet
Where nobody else can see
I open that lid so slowly
Take a peek up North and South
Then I pull out a Hostess Twinkie
And I pop it in my mouth!

In the daytime I'm Mr. Natural
Just as healthy as I can be
But at night I'm a junkfood junkie
Good Lord have pity on me!

Well at lunch time you can always find me
At the Whole Earth Vitamin Bar
Just suckin' on my plain white yogurt
From a hand thrown pottery jar
And sippin' little hand-pressed cider
With a carrot stick for desert
And wipin' my face in a natural way
On the sleeve of my peasant shirt!
But when that clock strikes midnight
And I'm all by myself
I'm working that combination
In my secret hide-away shelf
I pull out some Fritos Corn Chips
Doctor Pepper and an Old Moon Pie,
Then I sit back in glorious expectation
Of a genuine junk food high!

Chorus

My friends down at the commune
They think I'm pretty neat
I don't know nothin' 'bout arts and crafts
But I give 'em all something to eat
I'm a friend to old Euell Gibbons
And I only eat home grown spice
I got a John Keats autograph Grecian urn
Filled up with my brown rice
But folks, lately I have been spotted
With a Big Mac on my breath
Stumblin' into a Colonel Sanders
With a face as white as death
I'm afraid some day they'll find me
Just stretched out on my bed
With a handful of Pringle's Potato Chips
And a Ding-Dong by my head!


Chorus

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4/24/2010 - Napoleon XIV

No list like this would be complete without one of the signature songs of dementia - "They're Coming to Take Me Away - Ha-Haa!". I have heard before about how Jerry Samuels would be entertaining friends and would turn into Napoleon XIV, a completely different, deranged personality (but not dangerous.)
There have been a couple of parody/sequels to this song. The most obvious is the B side of the original record, "!aaaH-aH ,yawA eM ekaT oT gnimoC er'yehT" which is the original song played completely backwards (it is the flip side.) The second one is Josephine XV's, "I'm Happy They Took You Away" and then Jerry Samuels made a sequel in 1990 called, "They're Coming To Get Me Again, Ha Haaa!".
The recording wasn't originally considered a song and had to be copyrighted as a lecture. Well, this lecture hit #3 on the Billboard US Charts and #4 on the UK charts. Not bad for a lecture.
Here's Jerry Samuels, aka Napoleon XIV, with "They're Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa!" Enjoy:



Let's rewind and watch it again:

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4/23/2010 - The Thorndike Pickledish Pacifist Choir

Try saying that name 216 times real fast.

The Thorndike Pickledish Pacifist Choir consists of Robert O. Smith, a radio DJ from Seattle, Washington. He is also a voice actor. In 1966, he released this little spoken word ditty called, "Walter Wart, The Freaky Frog". Very interesting indeed.

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4/22/2010 - Rose and the Arrangement

There's always something eating a city in songs. Eggplants that eat Chicago, tomatoes that eat New York. Babies that eat Los Angeles. But nothing compares to the horror of the cockroach that ate Cincinnati.
Rose and the Arrangement was a Las Vegas band that in 1974 released "The Cockroach who Ate Cincinnati" under the alias, Possum. Little did they know that this song would become their biggest hit thanks to the play it found on the Dr. Demento show. The year it was released, it hit #22 in the funny 25. Then it went to #8 in 1975 and 1976.
So here's "The Cockroach That Ate Cincinnati" by Rose and the Arrangement. Chad Ocho-Cinco approves:



Lyrics
Uh-uh, don't touch that dial!

I must offer to you a confession,
I like movies that give me a fright.
If the subject is horror, I got to see more or
I won't be contented all night.
You may call it my ghoulish obsession,
It's a subject on which I get chatty.
But the worst one it seems, haunting all of my dreams
Was the cockroach that ate Cincinnati!

I've seen ghouls and hobgoblins and witches
And some moth-eaten werewolves with fangs.
There were creatures that chattered and others that clattered,
And Japanese monsters with fangs (ah-so).
Frankenstein gives me the shakes,
And Count Dracula's driving me batty.
But they're not on a par with the worst one by far
The cockroach that ate Cincinnati (ha ha ha ha)!

Oh, he must have needed a seltzer.
It's amazing how much he got down!
For lunch, he'd just chew up a suburb or two,
And for dinner, he ate the whole town (BURP!).
Willard just sent me out laughing,
I thought Ben looked a little bit ratty (sorry, sorry about that),
But they're not half as bad as the worst scare I've had -
The Cockroach that ate Cincinnati!

Oh, my heart nearly stopped; he would never be topped -
The cockroach that ate Cincinnati! OLE!

Ole? That's dumb!

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4/21/10 - National Lampoon

A few years back, my wife and I bought a National Lampoon book of funny stuff printed in newspapers. We were rolling on the floor, especially with most of the wedding announcements. The people at National Lampoon have a great sense of humor.
Leave it to them to come up with this parody. In the 1920's, Max Ehrmann wrote a poem of encouragement that Les Crane set to music as spoken word with a prose set used as the backing chorus. National Lampoon took this song of encouragement and turned it on its ear, turning it into a song of the hopelessness of a deteriorating world and the futility of life. This is "Deteriorata" by National Lampoon.
I am seeing conflicting reports of who actually wrote the original lyrics. One place says it was Christopher Guest (of SNL and 6 fingered-man fame). Another says Tony Hendra. What they do agree on is that the spoken part is by Norman Rose (Juan Valdez's voice) and the singing is by Melissa Manchester.
Here's "Deteriorata" by National Lampoon:



Lyrics
You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up!

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4/20/10 - Nervous Norvus

Well, today is 4/20. If you decide to celebrate the day, you may end up like Nervous Norvus in this song.
Nervous Norvus was the stage name of Jimmy Drake, a musician from Los Angeles, California. He was really a shy guy and refused to perform live, even declining an invitation from Ed Sullivan. He had about 6 months of fame for his songs, then went into becoming a music writer, writing the music to go along with songs written by other people for about $7 a song. He died in 1968 from cirrhosis of the liver.
This song, "Transfusion", was the song that Steve Clean told Barry Hansen that he must be "Demented to play that" and thus gave Dr. Demento his name.
So, one of the most popular of songs played on the Dr. Demento Show, here's Nervous Norvus with "Transfusion":

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4/19/10 - Sleepy John Estes

Sleepy John Estes was a sharecropper who started performing locally and got with the right crowd. At the age of 19, he lost sight in one of his eyes when a friend threw a rock at him playing baseball. Seemed like he had some reason to sing blues.
After World War II, people heard his music and liked it but figured he was dead because he had such an old sounding voice, even in his earliest recordings. When they found him in 1962, he was now blind in both eyes and living in poverty -- something they seemed quick to rectify by sending him on some music tours (well, at least the poverty part.) He had some successful tours, and died in 1977 preparing for a European tour. His epithet was a line from one of his songs, ".. ain't goin' to worry Poor John's mind anymore."
This song is called, "Stop That Thing". Enjoy:

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4/18/2010 - Gloria Woods

Gloria Woods is known for a few things. She was the singer of the original Woody Woodpecker song. She was the singing voice for Marilyn Monroe and Betty Grable. She sang the original commercial jingle for Rice-a-Roni (The San Francisco treat...) And she worked with big band orchestra leader Kay Kayser. Pretty illustrious career.

In 1962, Gloria Woods worked with Disney on their Symposium on Popular Songs project to perform this little ditty. She did all three voices of the Sister Sisters in this ode to the Andrews Sister's "Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy." I tell you, this song wouldn't fly today -- especially from Disney. I'm sure they would be happy to erase this bit of history, like the slave girl minotaur in Fantasia and Song of the South. It's fun to see a world before some of the good aspects of political correctness. Here is Disney with, "Boogie Woogie Bakery Man" as sung by Gloria Woods.

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4/17/2010 - Monty Python

I remember going into the Navy. I started hearing rumblings of this comedy group, an older group, that was very quotable and pretty funny. Definitely strange. I kept hearing about this "Monty Python". So I started to look for it around. My first introduction to them was Life of Brian. Very strange indeed. Very funny though. Not knowing about the 1980 controversy of the original movie within the church, I caught the humor, the sarcasm and the biting bits directed at those who follow someone blindly. I thought it was hilarious.
This, of course, led to the Holy Grail of comedy, Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Then to the TV show. Then Meaning of Life, then running very quickly from that back to the show. It wasn't too long until I started quoting Monty Python lines with answers to pretty much any situation thrown my way. What should we have for breakfast? How about some Spam?
I ended up buying most of the Monty Python stuff I could find on VHS and DVD. Although the TV Show on DVD has always been just out of reach price wise. My favorite of the lot, though, was Monty Python at the Hollywood Bowl. The group shine in front of a live audience.
So, today's song is about that cross-dressing manly man, the Lumberjack Song. He's ok.

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4/16/10 - "Classy" Freddie Blaisse

The first time I saw Freddy Blaisse, he had been retired as an active wrestler for years. He was the manager of The Iron Sheik and Nikolai Volkoff. He was a shadow of the greatness he was as a wrestler -- but still entertaining and engaging. At one point in his career, he was so hated that he had to have armed police officers walk him to and from the ring. One fan hated him so much that he splashed Blaisse's back with acid, which Blaisse had to go back to the locker room, wash off, and got back out and wrestled his match.
Blaisse grew up as an immigrant child, an only child (he says because he weighed 15 pounds when he was first born and his mom didn't want to go through childbirth again.) He worked at a carnival as a young man, working as a carnival wrestler. Here is where he came up with the phrase, "Pencil Neck Geek" which became his catchphrase for his wrestling career.
"Pencil Neck Geek" became a fan favorite for those in the dementia community... which surprises me somewhat as a lot of listeners would be Blaisse's target. I guess if you can't laugh at yourself, people will still laugh at you. Here's what Blaisse said about the album he re-released the song on about it:

Dear Geek or Geekette,

It's about time you listened to this record,you grit-eatin idiot. You are looking at the greatest single achievement in the history of the human race. This record features the actual physical image of the Great one, the king of men, Fred Blassie, immortalized for all time on a hunk of cheap wax. Not to mention the most memorable, heartwarming and beloved music and prose ever captured in the recording studio.

Now you can sit there, in the privacy of your own dump, with yer beer gut hanging out and that blemish-ridden pot-of-oil you call an old lady, and the two of you can slop around for hours on end staring at my gorgeous likeness on the album jacket, while you listen to my golden pipes crooning away.

Sometimes it's tough to be as great as I am. When I was born that geek doctor was so taken with my beautiful voice that he kept on slappin' my butt just to hear a few more notes. I finally had to bite off one of his fingers.

And a word of advise for all you punk rock pinheads, new wave nitwits, and heavy metal meatballs trying to make a career out of imitating the great Fred Blassie, you've been sitting aroun' staring at that rotten MTV so long your brains have leaked out and now you think you can come aroun' here and stink up my wrestling arena. just remember,you can scream, punch, puke and pogo till your ass falls off, but you'll never be Blassie. Until next time good night, good luck and Good Riddance.

Freddie Blassie

So, here's Freddie Blassie with "Pencil Neck Geek":

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4/15/10 - Benny Bell

Benny Bell was born a Jewish kid by the name of Benjamin Samberg.He was popular in the 1940's, then made a resurgence in the 1970's when this song was introduced on the Dr. Demento show. Really, this song is just a huge, steaming, stinky pile of shaving cream.

Here's Benny Bell with "Shaving Cream":



Now go pay your taxes.

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4/14/10 - Jef Jaisun

Well, tomorrow being tax day, the feds are probably all ramped up about getting paid. Maybe we'll see some happy, bouncy FBI agents out and about today looking to solve some mysteries (ZOINKS!) or bust some hippies.
Speaking of hippies, I had the opportunity to ump last weekend with a guy who must have been a hippie at one point in his life. It was quite funny. It was Frank Zappa behind the plate.
But I digress. Jef Jaisun had his problems with the fed. Actually, that's just the song. He really had a problem with the record companies who used his song, stole his money, and never gave him credit. The history of "Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent" is quite interesting. You should have a read at The FNNA FAQ. Nice guys apparently get trampled on, especially when their high.
Since Jef released this song, he has also become an award-winning photographer, including winning an award from The Blues Foundation of Memphis, TN for "Keeping the Blues Alive" through photography. Sadly, Jef passes away in 2006. I don't know if Warner Brothers ever did him right but I'm not surprised they did him wrong. I think someone should start a whole #boowarner movement! Oh wait...
Here's Jef Jaisun with the #1 song of 1975 on Dr. Demento's Funny 25, "Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent":


Lyrics
Yer truckin' casually down the street
When a man comes up to ya lookin' beat
With telltale traces of hippie on his chin
You say howdy, he says "Hi,
Got anything that'll make me fly?
And if ya do I surely wish you'd let me in
On what yer dealin', brother."
In your mind you start to wonder
What to turn this fella onto
Then you get a look into his eyes
You find his beard is only make-up
And his line is purely fake-up
Then and only then you realize

(CHORUS)
He's your Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent
Friendly neighborhood narco man
Courtesy of your local FBI
Your friendly neighborhood narco daddy
All-american finking Feddie
There to trip you up while you are high

You're sitting in the coffeehouse gloom
When the waiter comes up to you with a broom
And asks to sweep the floor around your chair
You ask him why and he says, "Routine -
"We like to keep our coffee clean."
And he begins to tidy up with care
*You light yourself a cigarette
And find out soon as you got it lit
That 40 new-found friends are by your side
Then someone hands you a note that's penciled
Telling you your flight's been cancelled
Just the same you're going for a ride, with your…

(CHORUS)

You duck into an alley way, thinking,
"Hey, maybe I can cop a J
And get back before the boss finds out I'm gone."
Remembering the golden rule
You look both ways, make sure it's cool
And when there ain't a soul for miles around
You clutch your baggie full of weed
And careful not to spill a seed
You roll a joint as big as Baltimore
And as you take that first big drag in
A helicopter drops a paddy wagon
Guess who's standing smiling by the door

It's your Friendly Neighborhood Narco Agent
Friendly neighborhood narco man
Courtesy of your local CIA
Your friendly neighborhood college drop-out
Undercover copper cop-out
Keeping law and order bright and gay
Yes, you find out that the freak your trusted
Is the fink that got you busted
And 20 years is a long time to stay on the ground

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4/13/2010 - Leonard Nimoy

What is a Leonard Nimoy? Well, he is an actor, director and Vulcan. And not a Vulcan. Depending on what book you pick up. Nimoy has always fascinated me. My first experience with him was actually on the Star Trek cartoons, then I got into the rest of Star Trek. He played Spock so well, keeping the emotions in check. I must admit, though, I liked Spock more in Star Trek IV and in the new Star Trek movie where he shows more emotion, letting his human side come out as he continues to grow. For the greatness of Star Trek III and IV, William Shatner's directing of Star Trek V almost killed the series. But this is not about William Shatner's demented music (which he has a lot of), but Leonard Nimoy's.
What was going through his mind when he decided to do this song? He had read the Hobbit by Tolkien and admired Bilbo but that still doesn't excuse this song. This is "The Ballad of Bilbo Baggins" by Leonard Nimoy. Strange. Illogical indeed.



Lyrics
In The Middle Of The Earth In The Land Of The Shire
lives A Brave Little Hobbit Whom We All Admire.
with His Long Wooden Pipe,
fuzzy, Woolly Toes,
he Lives In A Hobbit-Hole And Everybody Knows Him

bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
he's Only Three Feet Tall
bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
the Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

now Hobbits Are A Peace-Lovin' Folks You Know
they Don't Like To Hurry And They Take Things Slow
they Don't Like To Travel Away From Home
they Just Want To Eat And Be Left Alone
but One Day Bilbo Was Asked To Go
on A Big Adventure To The Caves Below,
to Help Some Dwarves Get Back Their Gold
that Was Stolen By A Dragon In The Days Of Old.

bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
he's Only Three Feet Tall
bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
the Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

well He Fought With The Goblins!
he Battled A Troll!!
he Riddled With Gollum!!!
a Magic Ring He Stole!!!!
he Was Chased By Wolves!!!!!
lost In The Forest!!!!!!
escaped In A Barrel From The Elf-King's Halls!!!!!!!

bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
the Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

now He's Back In His Hole In The Land Of The Shire,
that Brave Little Hobbit Whom We All Admire,
just A-Sittin' On A Treasure Of Silver And Gold
a-Puffin' On His Pipe In His Hobbit-Hole.

bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
he's Only Three Feet Tall
bilbo! Bilbo! Bilbo Baggins
the Bravest Little Hobbit Of Them All

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4-/12/10 - Allan Sherman

*r 697 dqh 43qe 5y8wk 697 yqf3 599 j7dy 58j3 9h 6974 yqhewZ

Cryptology rejoice! Today's song is by Allan Sherman and is a parody of the 1953 best song oscar, "Secret Love" called, "Secret Code". Funny song. Here he is singing it.

Sorry for the hit and run.



lyrics
Once I had a secret code,
Where A was B, and B was G.
G was K, and K was J;
And J was M, and M was P.

V was X, and X was V,
And U was I, and I was U.
87 stood for Z,
And 2 for T, and T for 2.

O was 12, and Q was 17;
I still don't know what those numbers mean.
That is how we won the war;
My secret code's no secret anymore.

SPOILER
The top line says, "If you can read this, you have too much time on your hands!"

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4/11/2010 - Alfred E. Newman

Mad Magazine has a long and glorio... good... ok... well, it's been around for a long time and has been very successful. It is regarded by many as one of the most influential magazines for the hippie generation, giving them a voice before the 60's blew up. Even today, it's irreverent parody of everything is a fun read. As parody artists, we have a lot to thank Mad Magazine for, as their legal battles have cleared the way for fair use and parody for all of us.
In 1963, Mad Magazine released some cardboard records with it's magazine. One of these included the song, "It's a Gas", a saxophone solo with Alfred E. Newman burping. The saxophonist is King Curtis, a famous saxophonist best known for his work on "Yakity Yak".
There was a re-release in the 70's of "It's a Gas" disco version but the original with it's fantastic musical quality has stood the test of time. This is Alfred E. Newman with "It's a Gas" -- enjoy!



Lyrics
IT'S A GAS!
Burp
Arrrp
Belch
Pip
etc...

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4/10/2010 - Leroy Pullin

One hit wonders are cool sometimes. Take the case of Leroy Pullins. He got into the music business at the age of 14 in a rock band in the 50's. Well, that didn't take off so he moved to Nashville and was signed to sing silly songs because his voice sounded an awful lot alike Roger Miller. So in 1966, he put out an album with the song, "I'm A Nut" which reached #18 on the country charts. The label tried a second album which flopped, so Leroy Pullins retired from music and became a fireman in his hometown. But his song, I'm a Nut, continues on, getting mistaken for Roger Miller from time to time. In fact, when I first found the song, it was credited to Roger Miller.
But Leroy Pullins will always have the legacy of singing the song, "I'm A Nut", which has been rereleased twice more, once in 1984 shortly after his death (an unintentional posthumous release) and again on a compilation in 2007. Here's "I'm A Nut" by Roger Miller Leroy Pullins:



lyrics
Beedle-dee-bah, beedle-dee-bah, beedle-dee-ree-pa-dom...

[Chorus]
I'm a nut, I'm a nut
My live don't ever get in a rut, whoop-whoop-whoop-whoop
The head on my shoulders is sorta loose
And I ain't got the sense God gave a goose
Lord, I ain't crazy, but ...I'm a nut

Is is wetter under water, if you're there when it rains?
Is it shorter to New York, than it is by a plane?
Between myself and I, I wonder who's the dumber
Is it hotter down south, than it is in the summer?

[Chorus]

I drove my Cadillac to Vegas to satisfy my lust
Wheelin', dealin', left ol' Vegas on a Greyhound bus
I shouldn't have set the woods on fire while I was there
But remember only forest fires prevent bears

[Chorus]

The poverty war will be over, when I begin to fight
If it took a dime to go 'round the world
I couldn't get out of sight
I don't mind to take the girls out
If they don't mind to go Dutch
Makes me feel like a million dollars
And I bet I ain't worth half that much

[Chorus]

Oh, crazy man! I'm a nut!
Oh, Lordy, Lordy Lordy, Lordy
I'm crazy, I'm a nut!

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4/9/10 - Harry McClintock

Harry "Haywire Mac" McClintock, also known as "Radio Mac" was one of those people who started in radio, went to movies, and ended up being a pioneer of television. He was a writer who started writing songs about stories from his childhood and became popular for it. He came up with a life philosophy, "Anyone who can sing never has to go hungry." I should be starving! :)

This song is called, "Ain't We Crazy" and is about impossible situations in normal day situations. It reminds me of a line I wrote in freshman English once describing an old man we encounter in a story -- "He was an old man with an unruly beard which he kept tidy." My teacher didn't like that line, but it would fit in this song.

Here's Harry McClintock, with his 1928 recording of "Ain't We Crazy":

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