4/21/10 - National Lampoon

A few years back, my wife and I bought a National Lampoon book of funny stuff printed in newspapers. We were rolling on the floor, especially with most of the wedding announcements. The people at National Lampoon have a great sense of humor.
Leave it to them to come up with this parody. In the 1920's, Max Ehrmann wrote a poem of encouragement that Les Crane set to music as spoken word with a prose set used as the backing chorus. National Lampoon took this song of encouragement and turned it on its ear, turning it into a song of the hopelessness of a deteriorating world and the futility of life. This is "Deteriorata" by National Lampoon.
I am seeing conflicting reports of who actually wrote the original lyrics. One place says it was Christopher Guest (of SNL and 6 fingered-man fame). Another says Tony Hendra. What they do agree on is that the spoken part is by Norman Rose (Juan Valdez's voice) and the singing is by Melissa Manchester.
Here's "Deteriorata" by National Lampoon:



Lyrics
You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself. If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up!