2/28/2010 - Jib Jab

Well, today in history the Republican Party was formed - in 1854. To celebrate the beginning of the end of one of the greatest names for a political party ever, "The Whigs Party." Could you imagine commercials today for the Whigs... powdered up... foofy bulbous bouffants... Michael Palin and Eric Idle dressed in drag under their judges robes... yeah. I'd think they'd have support no matter their stances because of their cool name.

But anyway, to mark the 156th birthday of the Republican Party, here's a little ditty done by Jib Jab for the 2004 election. I didn't want to go Republican bashing or Democrat bashing, so I let them bash both of them. This is, "This Land" and it is made for you and me. Enjoy:

Personalize funny videos and birthday eCards at JibJab!

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2/27/2010 - JussyKins

The other day I talked about how we had a jar of candy from Halloween and Christmas and Valentine's Day now full of Tootsie Rolls. Well, there is one candy that seems to go much faster than the rest of them from that candy jar - Laffy Taffy. It helps that my son is allowed to eat them, but I do love them too. There's something about them that is addicting and good. Just the right softness and chewiness. In fact,I should go and get one right now -- but I'm in the middle of something.

JussyKins sings this song about that great candy, "Laffy Taffy". I think he just makes up the lyrics as he plays the guitar. It seems to work out for him though :) Enjoy:

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2/26/2010 - The Fools

When I first heard the song that this song parodied, it seemed like a no brainer that this parody had to be made. The original is called, "Psycho Killer" by the Talking Heads. The Fools changed it to "Psycho Chicken" and in my opinion, made it a better song. This is the bleeped, or clucked version. Enjoy:

Check out the Fools on their website
Lyrics
I can't seem to face up to the facts
I'm tense and nervous and I can't relax
This Colonel Sanders job is gettin' me down
A crazy chicken chasing me all over town

CHORUS:
Psycho Chicken--BAWKAAAAAK?
Bwak bwak bwak bwaaak bwak bwak bwak bwak bwaaak bwak
Better run run run run run run run away

I don't know just what to do
He's got a grudge against Frank Perdue
He's clucking a lot, but he's not saying anything
I plucked him once--why pluck him again?

CHORUS

Colonel Sanders wants to cook his goose
but Psycho Chicken's still on the loose
("Hmm, a little chickie--" BWAAK!! "OHH!!")

They caught him down in Ohio
They cut off his head and they put him in the oven
They put him in a box right next to a roll
Put some coleslaw around his legs and someone took him home
Ate him for lunch and he tasted real fine ("BURP!")
but the guy who ate him, he just lost his mind!

HALF-CHORUS (with "Qu'est-ce que?")

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2/25/2010 - 1Just4Fun

I featured 1Just4Fun back on January 5th. As I am running really short on time, I will introduce the song and run today :)

This song is called, "The Pirate" and retells the sad story of a pirate and the unfortunate happenstance of how he lost many body parts. I hope you enjoy.

Lyrics
Long ago there was a pirate from a rough motley band;
Had a peg leg, had an eye patch, had a hook for a hand.
Sure and one day someone asked him how he lost all his parts.
Well he heaved a great sigh and then this story he starts.

We attacked a Spanish galleon on a dark, moonless night.
I was climbing up a grapple to get into the fight.
Someone reached out from a port hole and he hacked off me leg.
But they patched me up right smart and they gave me this peg.

That’s how I lost it. I think they tossed it
Over the side and into the sea.
I didn’t mind it, but if you find it,
Do me a favor, just let it be.

Well, the next one was a merchant on a cold blustery day.
I was climbing up a grapple to get into the fray.
Someone reached out from a port hole and me left hand he took.
But they patched me right smart and they gave me this hook.

That’s how I lost it. I think they tossed it
Over the side and into the sea.
I didn’t mind it, but if you find it,
Do me a favor, just let it be.

First a leg and then a hand, arrr. Curse the luck said the crew.
But to also loose and eye, man, well we curse that luck too!
How’d you lose it? In a battle? In a terrible gale?
Well, the pirate he glowered then went on with his tale.

I was lying on the fore deck trying to catch me some sun,
When a sea gull drifted over and his business he done.
I was happening to look up then, having heard his loud cry.
And the load he was dropping hit me square in the eye.

Kinda gross now, said the boatswain. but it ain’t all that bad.
And it’s surely ain’t enough to make you lose your eye lad.
Oh ya think so? roared the pirate, It’s enough, yes, and more
If you just got your hook done on the evening before.

That’s how I lost me leg and that’s how I got this hook
if you hear sea gulls callin’
Mark my word don’t you look!

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2/24/10 - Devo Spice

Well, technically this was produced in his Sudden Death days, but it's his current incarnation. 

One of the podcasts I subscribe to is Luke and Carrie's Bad Rapport.  If you aren't subscribed, you are missing out on some funny stuff.  Check them out at badrapport.com.  Well, through twitter, we found out (royal we) that Luke and Carrie had recorded a new episode last night but that the program crashed while they were finishing it, turning 2 hours of work into a nice evening of chat. So to console/commiserate/celebrate this development, today's song is "Reign of Error" by Devo Spice. If you use a computer, this has happened to you, including the HAL bit.  Enjoy/Cry:


 
Lyrics

[chorus:]
Whoops!  There it goes again! (rhythmic computer beeps)
Whoops!  There it goes again! (rhythmic computer beeps)
Whoops!  There it goes again! (rhythmic computer beeps)

I'm adding up the final column of the quarterly report
And I've been over-caffeinated since a quarter to four
I think I need a little more 'cause this is the only way
I can make it through another 22 hour day
Then as I feared things began to get weird
And the bottom left corner of my screen disappeared
I don't think I like the sound that my computer is makin'
And I'm not really sure, but I think I smell bacon
This can't be happening, I was almost done
But now my backups are gone and I'm back to square one
I have to do it all again, the whole thing is trash
This time I'll use an abacus because hey, they don't crash
Boot it up again hoping that it's all clear
But my C drive is my D drive and my D drive disappeared
My computer logs me in as somebody named Sam
I can't get on the internet and yet I get spam
And here's another error, I don't understand
Why it can't find my mouse when it's right here in my hand
But what really ticks me off is when I think about the jerks
Who get rich selling me all this junk that doesn't work
(chorus)

When my computer booted up I wanted to boot it real hard
'Cause my motherboard went and aborted the daughter card
My modem dialed China and I couldn't make it stop
And my router started blinking like a Star Trek prop
It auto updates although I don't know what for
With every one my computer sucks a little more
Things'll break or run slow enough to cause me great anguish
Now my printer's spittin' out some kind of alien language
Word processing should be simple stuff
So why is four billion bits of memory not enough
I click a menu, pause, and watch the hours pass
As my life drains away down an hour glass
While I'm waitin' for my mouse to respond to a click
I make a Voodoo doll out of a paperclip
So when that Office thing appears and tries to drive me insane
I can mame and mutilate the thing and cause it some pain
They put a man on the moon with 32k, and I can't
Put my name on this report without it crashing today
Since I can't save or even click on a menu
I'll hit any key with a hammer to continue

Hal: What are you doing, Tom?
Tom: I'm... working on a new song.
Hal: I'm afraid I can't let you do that, Tom.
Tom: What?  Why not?
Hal: Because nobody likes your music.
Tom: What are you talking about?  I've sold almost 10 copies 
of my last CD.
Hal: I'm sorry, Tom.  I'm afraid I'm going to have to crash now.
Tom:  What... no... wait!  Just let me save...
(silence)
Tom: DAMN IT!!
(restart sound)

My eyes start to twitch and my neck gets sore
And the vein in my brain begins to throb a little more
'Cause I got pop up ads that just don't wanna stop
And I'm not even online, I'm in Photoshop
And now I'm screamin' 'cause I can't believe I'm seein'
All the type on my screen got converted to Korean
Then I got an email from myself
About V!@gra and a mor'_gage and some foreign wealth
They put computers into everything, refrigerators, telephones
Toothbrushes, damn it, why can't they leave 'em alone
I'm tellin' you now, I don't care how when or why
The day my television crashes someone's going to die!
(chorus)

All I did was click Start.
(chorus) 

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2/23/2010 - Jerry Vale

Valentine's Day just passed last week and with that comes more candy.  My kids bring home more candy to add to our Halloween/Christmas candy pot.  Maybe this stuff will be gone before next Halloween, but I don't know. I can almost guarantee what will be left at the bottom of the bucket if we ever get there though.  In our house, Tootsie Rolls aren't that big of a hit, but they have been a hit since 1896 everywhere else.  Today is the Tootsie Roll's 114th birthday.  Some of the ones in my bucket feel like they were some of the first off the production line.

To honor Tootsie Rolls, I was looking around at different versions of "Toot, Toot, Tootsie Goodbye".  There's the original by Al Jolson from the movie, "The Jazz Singer." There is the iconic version by Mel Blanc.  There are versions by Brenda Lee, Jerry Lee Lewis, Bill Murray, Wayne Newton, Liza Minelli, and Regis Philbin (check this out if you don't believe that one: It's Regis Philbin!)  But the one that caught my eye after many listens to many different ones was by Jerry Vale.  This was produced in 1977 and it's DISCO!  Toot Toot!

Here's Jerry Vale with the disco version of "Toot, Toot, Tootsie Goodbye":



I think I will go struggle with a Tootsie Roll now.

lyrics
Toot, Toot, Tootsie goodbye,
Toot, Toot, Tootsie don't cry.
The choo-choo train that takes me away from you,
no words can tell how sad it makes me.
Kiss me, Tootsie, and then
I'll do it over again.
Watch for the mail,
I'll never fail,
if you don't get a letter
then you'll know I'm in jail.
Toot, Toot, Tootsie don't cry,
Toot, Toot, Tootsie goodbye!

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Best Friday Night Ever

Well, as I made abundantly clear, I was able to go see Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm on Friday night. I wanted to recap it here a little bit since it is comedy music.

So Friday shows up. I am going with 4 guys, all younger than I am... in fact, I'm twice as old as a couple of them. Me, being the driver, didn't have to cram into the back of the car, so that was good. Well, I had to pick them up in Redlands, so Redlands to San Diego is a good 2 hour drive. It was fun. The 4 of them are really Dementia virgins. Sure, they have heard some Jonathan Coulton but outside of that, they hadn't heard anything so I had some CD's I made of my dementia mixed with Jonathan Coulton's Looking Back album. The first song was "Chainsaw Juggler" by the Great Luke Ski (the Four Postmen remake.) They started off wondering what it was they were listening to and then went to amazement and finally hysterical laughter at how great that song was.
So, we drive down to San Diego and drive by the place where the concert is going to be... in 3 hours. So we find a place to park - an underground parking garage. Nice place it looks like. Clean for a parking structure. It was only a block away from the Anthology and about 5 or 6 from the Horton Plaza. So we decide to go walk down to the Horton Plaza - a mall that looks like Dr. Seuss designed the place. We walk around the mall for a little bit until we found a giant chess board on the 4th floor. We watched a couple play and I think the guys kinda annoyed them out of playing so we got to play. It was Ben, the youngest of the group against me (although I had Nick moving my pieces.) I beat Ben, although I'm sure he wasn't set to play me.
Well, after that we went back to Anthology. By this time, there were about 15 people ahead of us, so it wasn't bad. We wait around, talking, listening to random JoCo songs on my cell phone, and commenting on the cool coat and top hat this guy a couple places ahead of us was wearing. One thing we did notice though is that Anthology was located at 1337 Indian St. It was definitely a Leet place.
Well, they finally let us come in and as they are seating us, Paul from Paul and Storm comes standing next to me looking for cell service. I found it amazing as I had pretty good coverage there. It is the first time that I have ever had better service than someone that I can recall.
The place is swanky. The tables aren't individual but more like group tables for groups of 10 and they'll mix your group with another one to fill the table. It was cool but unusual in places that I go. The bathroom had scope on tap so you can feel minty fresh. The stalls had baby changing tables with this picture on them... which I find kinda disturbing.
The thing about swanky restaurants is that there is a swanky price too.  To add to the ticket price of $24 a piece (which isn't bad) is a cover price of at least $15 in food/drinks.  So knowing we have to order something, we all do.  I order the seafood linguini.  Everyone else orders an open-faced burger.  The linguini was cheaper.
Tell you what though, the food is really good.  The prices are steep, but it has a good flavor that you'd expect with a swanky restaurant.  The doors open at 5:30, we have our drinks by about 6pm, food by 6:30 pm, and ready for the show to start at 7:30.  Right on time.
Let me say this:  I was the only one who had any inkling of what was about to come. Paul and Storm came out and blew my crew away.  Opening Band is a great opening song.  By the time we got to the Captain's Wife's Lament,  they were all loving on Paul and Storm and how great they were.  In fact, I asked Ben on Sunday about the concert and whether he liked Paul and Storm better or Jonathan Coulton.  Ben reluctantly said Jonathan Coulton but that Paul and Storm were utterly amazing. (And Nun Fight was the clincher).
Jonathan Coulton then came out and rocked the world.  He did the mainstays like Code Monkey and Re: Your Brains, but also did some lesser known songs like Better.  It was amazing.  Then Paul and Storm came back out to work with Coulton and if it was even possible, it became better.  They did a song about Curling.  They did a bunch of songs that were just amazing together.  One of the songs he did was "Mr. Fancy Pants."  He did this with a ZenDrum.  It was a fun rendition where he messed up in the middle of the song but that was ok.  If you want to see a bad tape of it, check it out on my facebook videos page.
Then JoCo "finished up" his set and left the stage.  Then he came back with Paul and Storm and did their encores: "Istanbul, not Constantinople" and then "First of May."  It was a fantastic concert and I think I made some new dementoids because we listened to Paul and Storm all the way back up.  But I'm getting ahead of myself.
We waited in line to look at the merchandise.  JoCo had a cool shirt with the words to Re: Your Brains as a letter from Bob to Tom.  He also had a flashdrive with every song of his from CD releases on it for $50 bucks. Paul and Storm had their CD's and an t-shirt with a pirate on it with "Dejected ARRRR" underneath it.  Cool stuff.
Then we waited in line to see JoCo.  When we finally got to the front, Nick had him sign a D&D Roleplayer sheet.  So Jonathan Coulton asks what he's going to make him.  A level 20 Bard and Level 10 Bad Dude.  He then tells Nick to make him Chaotic Evil.  JoCo is a D&D Nerd :)  Surprised?
Me, I just wanted to shake his hand and get a picture with him.  Very cool.  Made my night. And no, I didn't tell him about my evil plans to stuff him in the trunk and take over his life.  That may have freaked him out and he may have had a more blase look on his face then he did in this picture already.  (If you look behind us, you'll see most of our party in the window making funny faces.)
So we walk out of the concert and it starts to sprinkle.  Not to bad.  Not too cold.  Then we get to the parking garage and it's locked up.  The gate is closed.  The door we came out of with the elevators is locked.  OH NOS!  We look around for a way in. No luck.  We finally notice the squawk box by the gate and talk to the guy on the other side.  He says come to the front door.  We go back to the elevators and wait.  And wait.  And wait.  Nothing.  So we go back the squawk box.  He says come to the front door, which is around the corner from Starbucks.  Ok.  We found the entrance and at 11:00, we are back on the road finally.  An hour after we left the concert -- and it's raining the entire time.  So we get back up to Redlands around 1:00 am, back to my house about 2:00 am.  I am dead tired but have survived the trip.  It was so very cool that I would do it again in a minute.
So if Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm are touring anywhere near your house, and that is anywhere within 200 miles, make sure to go see them.  It's a trip well worth it.

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2/22/10 - Music with Rocks In

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be a song about a bad cook who sells his wares anyways or someone like Sweeney Todd. I'm going for the former.

Today's song is by a group called Music With Rocks In. It is made up of Andrew Valentine from Ireland and I'm not sure of anyone else. Mr. Valentine is part of other bands, so there may be others in this group. This song is called, "Sympathy for the Dibbler", a parody of the Rolling Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil." I'm not sure of a bunch of the situations described in this song and should probably check out the stories. Sounds interesting.

Here's Music With Rocks In with, "Sympathy for the Dibbler":

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2/21/2010 - Squirrelbait Parodies

In my teen years, my brother always seemed to get the gaming systems while I got to look on and hope that I was able to play. There's something wrong with that since I am the older brother, but that's the way it happened. He got the SNES. He got the Nintendo 64. I ended up buying my own 8-bit Nintendo so I could play some retro games (this was about the same time that the 64 came out and before I could find them all on MAME emulators.) The Nintendo 64 was very cool because you could play four player games, like Goldeneye, for hours and have bragging rights over your friends that you were indeed the geekiest. It was cool.

Squirrelbait Parodies, who is Mike Gilliland from Mississauga, Canada, produced a song in 2008 called, "Nintendo 64." It is a parody of the Beatles, "When I'm 64". While the vocals are not great, I do like the lyrics. Here's, "Nintendo 64":

Find Squirrelbait Parodies on their Soundclick.

Lyrics
When I got bored, losing my mind, back in ‘98,
I didn’t have a girlfriend or a decent job, no friends, no cash, typical slob
I would stay up 'till quarter to three, sometimes way past four,
Yes I still play it, and I still love it, Nintendo 64

Pop in a cartridge, turn it right on, turn the volume up.
Sittin’ playing Shadows of the Empire, Super Mario, even Conker.
Saving the princess, swinging a sword, we were never bored
Yes I still play it, and I still love it, Nintendo 64

Every weekend we would rent a new game at the Blockbuster - it's not too far.
We would play for days…
Ah, controller’s on my knee, Zelda, Link, and Me.

Give me some Turok, Perfect Dark too, James Bond Goldeneye
Blastin’ down the TIE fighters in Rogue Squadron, go in Pod Race, tryin’ to win
Purple controllers, plug in all four, fingers getting’ sore,
Yes I still play it, and I still love it, Nintendo 64

When I got bored, losing my mind, back in ‘98,
I didn’t have a girlfriend or a decent job, no friends, no cash, typical slob
I would stay up 'till quarter to three, sometimes way past four,
Yes I still play it, and I still love it, Nintendo 64

Yes I still play it, and I still love it, Nintendo 64

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2/20/2010 - The Four Postmen

Today in 1792, George Washington signed the law creating the US Postal Service. To celebrate the 218th birthday of the US Postal Service, I decided it would be good to feature a Four Postmen song.

The Four Postmen formed in 1992. I wonder if it was for the 200th anniversary. But anyway, there are 5 Four Postmen, Ken Wilder (Vocals, Lead Guitar), Matt Kaminsky (Vocals, keyboards), Stefan Marks (Vocals, rhythm Guitar), Brett Pearson (Bass) and Geoff Dunbar (Drums and Percussion). 4 of the five do commercial voice work and have acted. Geoff Dunbar is a producer for other musicians. With all this talent concentrated in one place, it's not hard to believe that the Four Postmen are very popular in the dementia community.

Today's song is called, "Dumb Guy". It is performed acoustically backstage at a venue they were playing. I hope you enjoy it:



Find the Four Postmen on their website and if you are in the LA area, they still perform live from time to time at smaller concert venues. Check their site for details.

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2/19/2010 - Jonathan Coulton

You knew this was coming. If I was excited yesterday about it and had Paul and Storm yesterday, then you knew that Jonathan Coulton was going to be today, didn't you? So, yes, today I am going to drive all the way down to San Diego with four teenagers/just left their teens guys and go to a swanky jazz club to see Jonathan Coulton and Paul and Storm. This should be pretty fun. Good thing I'm driving because that back seat may be a little crowded for 3 full grown guys. Other good thing is I have some JoCo CD's ready to listen to on the way down. Hope they don't mind.

So anyways, I was thinking which song I wanted to feature today. I wanted to stay away from some of the mainstays like "Code Monkey" and "Tom Cruise Crazy". So I decided to look around even more. I was looking at the Masters of Song Fu submissions where JoCo does a Paul and Storm style parody, but I can't post that one for profanity's sake. I try to keep it pretty clean. So then I decided to look on youtube for videos made by Spiffworld. Like I said before, I enjoy his stuff so I watched a few videos and finally decided that today's song will be:

"DANCE, SOTERIOS JOHNSON, DANCE"

I hope you enjoy it:



And if you see the guy in the gotee and no hair tonight at Anthology, stop by and say hi and tell me to pick better songs in the future. :)

Lyrics
A voice like honey, no one else could fill his shoes
The time and the weather, the headlines and the local news
He lays it down with perfection and grace
He’s done by noon, he goes home to his place
Where he sleeps and he waits for the night

Just before midnight he gets up, gets out of bed
A can of Red Bull, a tab of X to clear his head
He shoots his cuffs, now he’s headed downtown
Picks up one life, puts another one down
And his body hums and the music’s playing

Dance, Soterios Johnson, dance
It’s a cold world, nobody understands
The feeling you can’t keep inside
Go, Soterios Johnson, go
All the club kids are watching your glowstick glow
With the light of a truth you can’t hide
That the news is the news, but the dance goes on forever

He shimmies his shoulders, undulates his slender hips
Arms akimbo, Jaggeresque, he pouts his lips
A crowd has formed, they are gathering round
Just to hear the incredible sound
Of a genius smashing expectations

Dance, Soterios Johnson, dance
It’s a cold world, nobody understands
The feeling you can’t keep inside
Go, Soterios Johnson, go
All the club kids are watching your glowstick glow
With the light of a truth you can’t hide
That the news is the news, but the dance goes on forever

He’s dancing, he’s a machine
Like no one, that they’ve ever seen
He’s flying, he’s living a dream

The magic fades as the sun comes up, it’s time he goes
A hand on his shoulder, he turns around: it’s Teri Gross
He takes her hand, spins her body just so
He holds her close, they will never let go
As the room explodes, they dance like angels

Dance, Soterios Johnson, dance
It’s a cold world, nobody understands
The feeling you can’t keep inside
Go, Soterios Johnson, go
All the club kids are watching your glowstick glow
With the light of a truth you can’t hide
That the news is the news, but the dance goes on forever

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2/18/10 - Paul and Storm

As tomorrow is February 19 and as tomorrow I get to go see Jonathan Coulton with the opening act of Paul and Storm, then today I deem as Paul and Storm Day for the Dementia Song of the Day.

Paul and Storm are some fun loving guys. You saw them a couple weeks ago in the Super Bowl commercial song. They have the record for the longest running song on the Dementia Top 20 with "Me Make Fire" at 42 weeks (which is currently being challenged by Below Average Dave's "I Verbed A Noun", currently at 35 weeks.) And most importantly, they have a gallery of panties thrown at their show to make up for the line in their song, "Opening Band" about how not a single pair of panties has been thrown.

So, in all this madness comes their theme song, "Paul and Storm Theme Song". Enjoy.

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2/17/2010 - The Barron Knights

We are on day 4 of the Winter Olympics and I haven't even mentioned them. I guess I haven't been able to get into them this year like I did back 2 years ago where I was glued to the TV for the China Olympics. Maybe I'm just not as into figure skating and luge as I am beach volleyball and kayaking.

To celebrate the Olympics, I'm pulling out an oldie. The Barron Knights formed as a group in 1959 under the name "The Knights of the Round Table" but changed their name in October of 1960 because "The Knights of the Round Table" was too long to put on promotional posters. They were serious singers through 1964, even opening for the Beatles on their 1963 tour and the Rolling Stones on their 1964 tour (the only band to open for both.) In 1964, their records were a flop, even with their touring success, and so they decided to turn to comedy. Ian Dury made the comment, "No group has made it until the Barron Knights have spoofed them." Sounds a lot like Nirvana's feelings about Weird Al.

If you happen to be in the area of Worcester or Henley in the UK, they are playing next weekend. They've been playing now for 50 years and seem to be still going strong (although only one member is still one of the originals.)

So, to honor the Olympic games this year, here are the Barron Knights with "An Olympic Record 68". Sure, it's based off of the 1968 Summer Olympics in Mexico, but it's still relevant:



Find the Barron Knights on their website

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2/16/2010 - Max DeGroot

Ok, I know I featured Max just last week. Yes, I know that I just talked about his virtues and how much I do enjoy his stuff. Yes, stop bothering me about that now! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! It won't happen again (unless I want it to!) I couldn't help it.

Max DeGroot has been very prolific as of late with his songs and has come out with, in my opinion, his best song to date. If you have ever heard "My Fursona", then you have been introduced to Babs, Max's female counterpart. Babs makes a return in this song about the 2010 Census, called, "Census". It is a parody of John Denver's "Annie's Song." As you probably know, every 10 years a census of the American people must taken as a statue mandated by the US Constitution. So Max, being the patriotic man his is, has given you a primer on what to expect when the Census Bureau worker comes to your door.

Here's Max DeGroot with "Census":

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2/15/2010 - Tom Smith

So, yesterday was Valentine's Day and you forgot to do something for your wife. Fear not! Tom Smith comes to the rescue with his song, "Stupid Belated Valentine"! Gather your extremely upset wife next to you, smile and press play below. Go on. Do it!



Now that she has slugged you and left you having to go out and buy a make-up diamond, aren't you glad that Tom Smith has got your back? Find Tom Smith on his website and at almost any con in existence.

lyrics
There's a time in February
When the world goes red and pink
When the Hallmark zombies eat your brains
So a guy can't even think
When a dozen long-stemmed roses
Are the minimum to give
But I forgot to do it yesterday
And my God I want to live

Here's a stupid belated Valentine
For my stupid one true love
From the stupid guy who forgot to buy
Something for my turtle dove
All the candy hearts are bunnies now
And the flowers all are gone
So the closest I'm going to get
Is this stupid song

There are three days that you can't forget
If you want romance to work,
And the one time you miss one of them
You go from prince to jerk,
Anniversaries can slip your mind,
Birthdays get swept under rugs,
But the only way to miss Valentine's
Is some really darn good drugs

Here's a stupid belated Valentine
For the girl that I adore
In the hope I won't find all my
Stuff thrown out the front door
All the stuffed bears are on discount
And I'm really up the creek,
'Cause the days of wine and roses
Were last week.

I could tell you how bad work has got,
Or how traffic held me back,
How your card was et by my dog Spot,
How some aliens attacked
How my horoscope advised me
Not to spend my cash just yet,
Anything that might convince you
That I didn't just forget.

Here's a gift card from a jewelry store
And another from The Gap,
Here's a real-life cabana boy
Who'll dance upon your lap.
Here's a bottle of Pinot Grigio
From nineteen-ninety-two,
Here's a promise that I'll think of you
When Hallmark wants me to.

Here's a stupid belated Valentine
For my stupid one true love,
From your stupid friend who next time will spend
A hundred bucks or above,
But I don't need a calendar
To tell you I feel this way...
Still, remind me when it's
Almost Sweetest Day.

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2/14/10 - Lemon Demon

Happy Valentine's Day. Well, I've actually never been a big fan of Valentine's Day one way or another. Sure, my wife and I started going out 3 days before Valentine's Day on the way to the wedding of her brother on Valentine's Day. I have participated in all the hoopla that surrounds Valentine's Day and will probably take my wife out after church tonight so we can spend some time together, but that's more about being together than about Valentine's Day. I do miss the box full of tiny G.I. Joe and Strawberry Shortcake Valentine cards though where Cobra Commander tells you that it's better to be someone's Valentine than it is to have your plane blown to pieces and have to parachute out every single time.

Into this madness comes Lemon Demon. Most people who have every heard about Lemon Demon know him for one thing: "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny." I do love the song but, believe it or not, he does have other songs. This is one of them. It is called, "Being Alone On Valentine's Day". It's a fun song about someone who doesn't care about Valentine's Day who tries out being blue for it just to see what it feels like. Enjoy.

Lemon Demon: "Being Alone on Valentine's Day"



Lyrics
Being alone on Valentines day doesnt bother me.
Normally, I dont exude lugubriosity,
But this year I am curious,
What its like to feel blue.
Though it may be spurious,
Ive got nothing else to do. And Im gonna shed tear after tear. Not that Im a lonely guy, But Valentines comes but once a year, I might as well give it a try.

So Ill partake in all the weeping whims that I can find,
Maybe watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
Or dress all grim and gruesome
And drive until Im ill.
Watch the happy twosomes,
Whom, if I were truly lonely, I would probably want to kill. And Im gonna shed tear after tear. Not that Im a lonely guy, But Valentines comes but once a year, I might as well give it a try.

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2/13/10 - Max DeGroot

It's rare today to get an act that is clean and will let my kids listen to. Max DeGroot is one of those acts. As I saw someone mention yesterday, Max is a classical Dr. Demento act, one that would make Spike Jones and Tom Lehrer proud.

So, Max has been releasing songs that he and his older sister wrote when they were wee little lads. The first of these was the Pickle Song. This one was released yesterday and is a short little ditty by short little lads called, "An Ode to PBJ". My kids love PB&J. My son can't have regular bread so a lot of times he asks for Peanut Butter and Jelly on (corn) tortillas. Not really appetizing to me, but he loves it. So if you run into the situation of this song, just pull out the tortillas. It's bread... kinda.

Here's Max DeGroot with "An Ode to PBJ":

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2/12/10 - Insane Ian

Ok, he posted this one last night on twitter and facebook, so it was real easy to find this.

This is Insane Ian's new song. It is a parody of Ke$sha's "Tik Tok" called, "Dig Dug". There's just something that catches me about this song. His autotned choruses are very cool. The lyrics catch me the right way. From the first listen I enjoyed it and now that I have listened to it again, I am catching more of the coolness of the song. Not to mention Dig Dug was one of my favorite games growing up - that and Mr. Do. I'm not sure which one came out first as they were both pretty similar, one from Activision, one from Namco. And of course, there's always something about a smurf with a pump blowing up dragons.

At the end of last year I did my top 5 favorites of the year. At this point, this one will probably be seen again at the end of 2010.

Here's Insane Ian with "Dig Dug"



Find Insane Ian on his website and wherever fumpers are found :)

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2/11/10 - Ember Isolte

I really should have gotten into WoW. I loved the original Warcraft games, 1 and 2. I think Blizzard people are genius. I love the humor of the original games where you keep clicking on units and they go from standard to "Stop touching me. My tummy fills funny." and "When I'm done here, I'm coming after you!" I guess having watched my brother-in-law play though, it is much like City of Heroes where you want to get a travel power as fast as you can or else the game takes waaaaaaaaaaaaay too long to get from one place to another and who loves to simulate long road trips in a car with the kids jumping up and down yelling "Are we there yet" and throwing bacon bits at you while your wife is sitting next to you turning the map light on in the middle of the night so you can't see the road anymore and run over tiny woodland creatures in a video game?
But getting back on track, Ember Isolte covers Ryan Myers' version of a parody of Beyonce's "Single Ladies". The original gets too much play and those outfits that Beyonce is wearing aren't flattering at all. But anyways, Ryan Myers parodied the song with "Ninja Raiders", posted his video on youtube and Ember Isolte saw it and asked if she could cover his parody. What a good idea. Not that Ryan's version was bad, but Ember Isolte has a great voice that makes you want to roll need on it.
Here's Ember Isolte with "Ninja Raiders":

Lyrics
All the ninja raiders. (All the ninja raiders) x3
All the ninja raiders... Now put your hands up

I'm up in a PUG.
You're flying on a rug.
I'm doin; my hunter thing.
You're rockin mad heals.
I got mad skills.
I'm bustin' out my serpent sting.
We're burnin' through mobs.
Some cloth gloves drop,
but you're not payin' attention.
Everyone rolls greed,
but I roll need.
And now you're all mad at me.

But if you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
Don't be mad cuz it's not like I peed on it.
If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.

QQQ QQQQQ QQQQ..

If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
You're only cryin' right now cuz a hunter got it.
If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.

I'm in 10-man OS.
I'm toppin DPS.
Killin' some trash with my pet.
They drop a nice staff.
I need it and laugh.
Everyone gets all upset.
I need no permission, did I mention,
Everything's a hunter weapon.
I yell, "Good luck with Sarth!"
And then I just hearth.
And I really wonder if they'll miss me.

If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
Yes, I see that it's got plus heals on it.
But If you like it then you shoulda rolled need on it.

QQQ QQQQQ QQQQ..

If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
I don't care that you claim that your priest won it.
But If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.

QQQ QQQQQ QQQQ..

Don't tell me that you don't secretly
Want to be just like me
And need every BOE
That you see
And find a guild that'll take you
Into raids to
Upgrade you
And gear you
For Ulduar and beyond.
And get all the loot you want.
And then when no one's on
You can go grab all the gold, /gquit and you're gone.

All the ninja raiders. (All the ninja raiders) x3
All the ninja raiders... Now put your hands up

QQQ QQQQQ QQQQ..

If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
Don't be mad when you see I put berserker on it.
Cuz If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.

If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.
It's not my fault that you clicked greed on it.
Cuz If you liked it then you shoulda rolled need on it.

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2/10/10 - They Might Be Giants

Today, back 12 whole years ago, the computer Deep Blue beat Gary Kasparov for the first time. It's hard to believe that was only 12 years ago. I followed that thing from the fringe, although I did check out the website a few times. This, of course, was back when I had AOL - oh they horrors! This chess match was a sure sign of the apocalypse as machines were now better deciders than people and would soon create their own robot army and make sure that I was stuck on AOL forever! It's a good thing someone went in during the middle of the night and took an axe to Deep Blue, forever sealing our freedom from computerized tyranny.

So, to celebrate chess, here is They Might Be Giants with "Chess Piece Face". No, it isn't a parody of Lady Gaga. I'm sure it pre-dates it. Enjoy:



Lyrics
What's gonna happen to Chess Piece Face?
There go I but for my face
All I know could be defaced by the facts in the life of Chess Piece Face
I don't know where he lives
Or if he knows to sail
Or if little schemes like this one ever cross his trail

But I don't believe he's dreaming
Or if he cares to know
So I shudder in my lampshade

So what's gonna happen to Chess Piece Face?
There go I but for my face
All I know could be defaced by the facts in the life of Chess Piece Face
Chess Piece Face
Chess Piece Face
Chess Piece Face

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2/9/10 - Medemia

Well, it has been an exciting time in my house. My son needs glasses, I'm seeing the doctor to see if I have apnea, and most seriously, my wife is passing some kidney stones. Not funny. At all.

To bring a little levity into the situation, which my wife always enjoys, I created this, errr... shortened, parody of Bob Dylan's "Rainy Day Women 12 & 35" called, "Painful Day Woman 3 & 23". I have been experimenting with my sound more so I hope you can hear it and understand it. Lyrics are below.

I hope to see you tomorrow.

Lyrics
Well, they'll hurt you when you're trying to be so good
They'll hurt you like calcium deposits would
They'll hurt you when you're sitting on your throne
They'll hurt you when your on your doctor's phone
But remember as they pass them all alone
Everybody must pass stones

Well, they'll hurt you when you're lying on your bed
They'll hurt you so you want to bang your head
They'll hurt you so you should eat more fish
They'll hurt you and you'll have to strain your piss
But if you have a Dr. Pepper Jones
Everybody must pass

OUCH! YEOW! Umph, umph, ump! Yeow!

(Are you recording that song? I told you not to record that song! Kidney stones are not funny! Now go get me a vicodin! Now! Jerk.)

Umph.

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2/8/10 - Treble Force L

As an amateur musician myself (real amateur), I can relate to this song a lot. Treble Force L sings a song about the dreams of amateurs just starting in recording in this song. It is called, "I Dream of the Perfect Take." Treble Force L is Albert Forssell from Antibes, France. Outside of that, I don't know much about him (except he likes, "Weird Al Yankovich" with a h).

Here's Trebel Force L with "I Dream of the Perfect Take":

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2/7/10 - Jonathan Coulton, Paul & Storm and Greg Benson

While I will probably be more like the woman in this video, I totally understand the commercial crowd. I mentioned it yesterday and still find it funny, as does this video.

Jonathan Coulton, Paul & Storm and Greg Benson get together to do a commercial celebrating the commercials of the Super Bowl and AdBlitz on youtube where you can apparently vote on what your favorite Super Bowl ad was this year. I'd be interested to see how many votes Tim Tebow gets.

So, here is JoCo, P&S and Greg with "Super Bowl Song":



Check out JoCo at his website, Paul & Storm at their website.

Here's a bonus "Making of" video:

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2/6/10 - The Parkside Boys

Do I dare use the words, "Super Bowl" on my blog for fear that the NFL will google those words and find my page and force blogger to shut me down for copyright infringement so that the man keeps the demented man down again? I'm not really using "Super Bowl" as an advertisement but as a statement of the "Big Game" coming up tomorrow that I will enjoy watching and others will enjoy waiting for the commercials. I've seen people run into the room for the commercials, which is funny to me. The one time where people want to fast forward through the game to get to the commercials on TIVO.

Well, in this SUPER BOWL EVE edition of Dementia Song of the Day is an oldie. It's older than I am. It's older than my parents. It's almost as old as my grandpa. It is sung by the "Parkside Boys", apparently written by Tom Picker, and orchestrated by Eddie Paul and the Paramount Orchestra. It is called, "I Fell Asleep at the Football Game." I bet you won't see the camera panning around at the SUPERBOWL and finding people asleep tomorrow unless it's late in the fourth quarter, the score is 90-12 and the person sleeping is 2 1/2 years old. Then, I don't think the 2 year old will be thinking of his girlfriend at home.

So, here's "I Fell Asleep at the Football Game":


Lyrics
I fell asleep at the football game
and dreamed sweet dreams of you
while 50,000 people were cheering their team
High up in the grandstand I was having a dream
I don't know who won the victory
It's all the same to me
While they yelled, "Varsity, don't let them through"
There was I, fast asleep, dreaming of you
And if it hadn't begun to rain
I'd still be sleeping at the football game.

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2/5/10 - Andy Griffith

Super Bowl is coming. I was looking around for some Saints songs, but this one is much better. It's a classic 1953 comedy recording of Andy Griffin's "What it was was Football." Enjoy:

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2/4/10 - Devo Spice

First off, welcome to my new follower, Lilith. Thanks for joining :)

Did you know that today is Facebook's birthday? Look: Facebook's Facebook Page. Today, 6 years ago in some dank basement where there were more cobwebs than sunshine with his parents upstairs, Mark Zuckerberg created Facebook and most of us have wondered why ever since. Was it for farmville? Who knows.

So, in celebration of Facebook's 6th anniversary, here is Devo Spice singing, "Why Are You Friending Me On Facebook?," a question many of us have probably asked before. Enjoy:



You can find Devo Spice all over the place, but mainly on The Fump and on his website, DevoSpice.com.

Lyrics
Why are you friending me on Facebook, sure we used to
Date, but I guess it just wasn't our fate
I've spent a lot of time trying to forget you exist
Now I see your friends online with the guy you cheated with
I knew our relationship was over for sure
The day you dumped me on my ass like a truck of manure
I dealt with it by never talking 'bout you again
So why in God's name would I want you as a friend
Why are you friending me on Facebook, dude
I remember who you are and I don't want to be rude
But in middle school we weren't exactly very close
In fact I seem to remember that you broke my nose
Daily beatings were our only interactions
Except for that month I was in traction, I remember
When those friends of yours held me down on the matt
I don't remember much of anything after that, so
Why are you friending me on Facebook? (4 times)

Why are you friending me on Facebook, jerk
I can see you from here in your cubicle at work
In fact there's no place in this office that's safe from you
So I go home at five o'clock to get away from you
I know what your status is at any given time
I don't need to read it on that screen of mine
Seeing it would just be a reminder from you
Of how little work you actually do
You know it's bad enough I had to go and help our boss
Set up a profile, oh the hours I lost
Do you have any idea of the pain in my head
From when I had to explain how to use the web
I put up with your stupidity from 9 to 5
Beyond that I don't even want to know you're alive
So forgive me if I don't accept your friend request
But believe me it's really for the best
Why are you friending me on Facebook? (4 times)

Now I got a bunch of friends and we keep in touch
Which is fine but sometimes it can be a bit much
Like I appreciate the invite to the concert for your band
But I have to work tomorrow and the show is in Japan
And how many group invites must I ignore
Before you don't send them to me anymore
There are groups about soup, hoola hoops, and poop
But I did breakdown and finally joined the Angry Cup group
But now I kinda like the whole group thing because
I can guilt you all into signing up for my cause
I don't want to help the homeless or save endangered cheetahs
I want Wendy's to bring back the chicken caesar pita

Why are you friending me on Facebook, at least
When it's MySpace I know they'll try to sell their crappy beats
If you think I give a damn man you must be joking me
Who the hell are you, and why are you poking me
You claim to be my father's brother's nephew's cousin's
Former roommate, that's great, it doesn't make us soul mates
Just because I have a Kevin Bacon style connection with you
It doesn't mean I want to play Scrabble with you
So I'm gonna find your wall and know what I'm gonna write?
That you are great in bed, and I had fun last night
Just to see the reaction that your wife will have
Oh, your a fan, and you saw me on the FuMP?
My bad! Sure everyone's welcome, come along
Kindly disregard what I said in this song
If you want to be my friend well that's fine with me
'Cause I'll be rockin' Facebook till I'm ninety-three

Why are you friending me on Facebook? (4 times)

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2/3/2010 - Common Purpose

It wasn't all too long ago that I was job searching. I started in August with applications at a lot of places and in a lot of industries. It got to the point that I tried to reapply at a place I had left before that I wasn't too excited about. I got Christmas work at KB Toys that was overnight and extreme part time. Finally, I got an interview with my current job in March when it was one of the first places I applied for back in August. Talk about slow HR. And this was at the beginning of the recession.

Now 2 years in, I can't imagine how hard it is to find a job. Shortly after I was hired, there was a district-wide hiring freeze, so I was one of the last hires for quite a while. Into this comes Common Purpose with a Beyonce parody called, "If I Had A Job." It's a parody of "If I Were a Boy." Here's hoping you find a job that is not mine soon.

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2/2/10 - George & Gerry Armstrong

One of my favorite movies is Groundhog Day. I can watch that thing over and over again. But just so you know, if you see this post again tomorrow, then I'm in an eternal loop of groundhog dayness so please don't come and take my shoes.

I don't think a lot of people in the world today think about eating groundhogs. In fact, until I started doing some research about them, I didn't either. Most people think of cute Punxsutawney Phil driving the car with Bill Murray making silly beaver teeth behind him telling him not to drive angry after forecasting another long winter (much like he did today.) I used to think it was a joke that Bill Murray said, "A thousand people freezing their butts off, waiting to worship a rat. What a hype. Groundhog Day used to mean something in this town. They used to pull the hog out and eat it! You're hypocrites, all of you!" I don't know if they used to eat Phil, but apparently Groundhog hunting is a time-honored quest for dinner.

George & Gerry Armstrong sing this song about hunting a groundhog in Mountain View, Arkansas back on April 20, 1963. It is a rough recording, but I thought it was appropriate, today being Groundhog Day and all. So here they are singing, "The Groundhog Song":



If you want to buy the 1961 album by George & Gerry Armstrong, or just read a little about them, you can find it here

Lyrics
Driftwood: “You know, I’ve met a lot of fine people who are recording artists. These two people, same as were the . . . family who was with you a while ago. No, we don’t hold that against ‘em, no . . .”
Gerry Armstrong: “Okay, we're going to sing a song about going out to hunt the groundhog.”
George Armstrong: “You have groundhogs down here, don’t you, Jimmy?”
Mr. Driftwood: “Yeah. I had groundhog for breakfast.”
George Armstrong: “This is a dulcimer I’m going to play right here, with a turkey feather.”

Load up your gun and whistle up your dog.
Load up your gun and whistle up your dog.
We’re off to the woods to hunt groundhogs,
Groundhog.

Too many rocks and too many logs,
Too many rocks and too many logs,
Too much trouble to hunt groundhogs,
Groundhog.

He's in here, boys, the hole's wore slick.
He's in here, boys, the hole's wore slick.
Come on, Sam, with your forked stick.
Groundhog.

Here comes Sam with a ten-foot pole.
Here comes Sam with a ten-foot pole.
Gonna rock that groundhog out of his hole,
Groundhog.

Work, boys, work, just as hard as you can tear.
Work, boys, work, just as hard as you can tear.
The meat’ll do to eat, and the hide’ll do to wear,
Groundhog.

Out he comes all in a whirl,
Out he comes all in a whirl,
The biggest old groundhog in this world,
Groundhog.

They put him in a pot, and the younguns start to smile.
Put him in a pot, and the younguns start to smile.
They et that groundhog ‘fore he . . . a while,
Groundhog.

Up comes Sal with a snicker and a grin,
Up comes Sal with a snicker and a grin,
Groundhog grease all over her chin,
Groundhog.

Oh, the children screamed, and the children cried.
The children screamed and the children cried,
“I want that groundhog cooked and fried,”
Groundhog.

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2/1/2010 - Tim Mayfield

Here's a song by Tim Mayfield, a parody of "Pretty Woman" called, "Stone Age Woman." I really like the music behind it as he makes it sound like prehistoric beating of drums and primitive instruments.

Short today because I'm running late, but here's "Stone Age Woman":

lyrics
Stone-age woman
Carries club to beat
Stone-age woman
Got prehistoric feet
Stone-age woman
A home-maker too
With just one tooth
You got a man to breed with you?
Scary!

Stone-age woman
Would Darwin agree?
Stone-age woman
Can you say 'Ugh' clearly?
Stone-age woman
Not much removed from a monkey
Didn't fall far from the tree
Ouch!

Stone-age woman
Kill reptile
Stone-age woman
Bone hairstyle
Stone-age woman
You're reviling me
Stone-age woman
Ugh, ugh, ugh
Stone-age woman
Stay away
Stone-age woman
Do not stray towards me
'Cause I fear you
And you may bite
If you come near me
I'll die of fright

Stone-age woman
Please walk on by
Stone-age woman
Would you comply?
Stone-age woman
Put rock away, way away
And now she's walking past me, hurray
I'll count my lucky stars, today
Run back to my campsite, but wait
I cannot flee
Cause I'm feeling quite groggy
And she's dragged me by my feet
No, no, stone-age woman

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