5/18/2010 - Jeff Reuben

Well, this was late. Sorry, I woke up late. So I had to do it after work, which means that I get to look for stuff that came out during the day, including this song. This is Jeff Reuben's new song: "Carry-On". Love airport humor, especially since I'll be flying in a couple of weeks. Must pack the razor in my non-carry-on unless I want to be Grizzly Adams with a beard.

Here's Jeff Reuben with "Carry-On"

Lyrics
Airport: I'm taking no crap
Flip off attendants outside at the sky cap
Not gonna check luggage, for my trip to Italy
They'd end up in Sudan, or in the Bering Sea

Got my bag, headed through security
It's a good thing I got here six hours early
So with a huff, put my stuff through the x-ray
Then the guard told me what he would take a-way

Took my knives, sheers, beers, wine, ski poles, naughty toys
And my pet rat, sword, bat
Won't fly with the TSA boys

Let me find my license, baby, while I wait in line
Check the boarding pass to see the seat I've been assigned
Just want to get on to the airplane
But they told me of a fee that I did not pay

Check it

Thought I'd save a little money with my
Carry-on
Did not pack a bulky suitcase just a
Carry-on
Used my gross, old gym bag for my
Carry-on
Should have washed my bag before I
Brought it on

Why the hell they gonna charge me for my
Carry-on
It took time to stuff my whole life in this
Carry-on
I asked why, they didn't want to
Hear it boy
So I paid, they told me "That's the
'Spirit'" boy

Anyone, else think it's kind of strange
That the in-flight movie is Snakes On A Plane
Now of course you know I see the 'Fasten Seatbelt' sign
You see I hope that you can help me out with mine

Baby there's no need for you to be rude
Please just answer don't give me no altitude
Getting hungry, can you feed me
And can you bring a pillow and blankee?

I want nuts, chips, drinks, shots and sky mag
And if I get airsick
I'd like to buy a vomit bag

When the stewardess comes, Imma make my move
Cause I think she's hot and she likes to groove
And now she's giving me the eye I think she's into me
But to join Club Mile High, she will charge a fee

Sold!

Must be policy to charge me for my
Carry-on
Wish I'd shut up but I think I'm gonna
Carry-on
Shouldn't pack, my razor in my
Carry-on
Shouldn't pack, no lasers in my
Carry-on

Still I can't believe they charged me for my
Carry-on
They have height and weight restrictions on my
Carry-on
Shouldn't pack, no ice cream in my
Carry-on
Cause they won't, help me clean out my
Carry-on

"What's your name?
Where's your passport?
Did someone ask
You to take stuff for them?"

Open flame
A six-pack of beer
I know it's lame
You can't take that on here

Your luggage may (What's your name?)
Have shifted (Pull my finger)
Please be careful (Please don't stuff me)
When you unload it (In the overhead bin)

Seats upright (Approaching)
In locked position (Our final descent)
Put up your trays (We're glad you flew)
In good condition (With us, please come again)

Thought I'd save a little money with my
Carry-on
Did not pack a bulky suitcase just a
Carry-on
Used my gross, old gym bag for my
Carry-on
Should have washed my bag before I
Brought it on

Why the hell they gonna charge me for my
Carry-on
It took time to stuff my whole life in this
Carry-on
I asked why, they didn't want to
Hear it
So I paid, they told me "That's the
'Spirit'"

Please don't kick me off!