1/1/10 - Kobi LaCroix

Happy New Year! To kick off the new year, our song of the day is by one of my designated Rookies of the Year for 2009, Kobi LaCroix. About to log off of Twitter yesterday to celebrate the new year with my kids, Kobi posted that he had posted one last song for 2009. This song is called, "Resolutions". It starts pretty quickly and ends just as quickly but is catchy, and it's a parody of Jacques Offenbach's "Orphée aux Enfers".

Here is Kobi's last of the year but first of mine, "Resolutions":

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12/31/09 - Moneyshot Cosmonauts

Living in the Los Angeles area, the talk of the town for a couple of months was Nadya Denise Doud-Suleman Gutierrez, or Nadya Suleman -- better known as Octomom. She was all over TMZ, the radio, people talking about her at work, at lunch breaks, in fast food restaurants. You could barely go anywhere without hearing about the mom who had 8 kids. Then, when more details came out about her crazy circumstances, it became even bigger, almost circus-like. It was the proverbial train wreck you couldn't take your eyes off of.

Enter Spaff.com and the Moneyshot Cosmonauts parodying Lady Gaga's "Poker Face". Sure, there have been quite a few Poker Face parodies, but this one is the granddaddy... or should I say surrogate mommy, of them all. The production value of this song is on par with the original in every way. In fact, played back to back, you would think Lady Gaga went off her rocker in the second half of the song. Then, the lyrics hit you. I'll post the entirety of the lyrics below, but lines like this make this song genius:

I like in vitro when you give it to me rough (Ooh!)
And Dick Van Patten lied 'cause eight is not enough (That bugger)
When I feed two at once I start to miss the rest
So now my plastic surgeon's gonna give me six more breasts (Yes!)

and:

So I'm the hostess with the mostest cell meiosis, and my closest diagnosis is eight doses of psychosis - holy Moses!

So here is my #1 favorite song of 2009 - Moneyshot Cosmonauts with, "Pr-Pr-Pr-Procreate":



There's a bunch of us jokers who try to write parody songs and then there is Spaff.com - the king of jokers.

Lyrics:
I met a sadist doctor of fertility (Whee!)
Said I wanna grow a jungle from my family tree (I want it)
He said quadruplet sets are buy one, get one free
And punched my one-way ticket to reality TV

O-o-o-ocho, o-o-o-o-ocho
Why stop at one? Octuple your fun!
O-o-o-ocho, o-o-o-o-ocho
Hey look I've got - a whole football squad!

Can't stop my X and Y
So just stand by while I procreate
She's tryin' multiplyin'
Can't stop my mommy drive
So just take five while I procreate
She's lovin' reproduction

Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama
Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama

I like in vitro when you give it to me rough (Ooh!)
And Dick Van Patten lied 'cause eight is not enough (That bugger)
When I feed two at once I start to miss the rest
So now my plastic surgeon's gonna give me six more breasts (Yes!)

O-o-o-ocho, o-o-o-o-ocho
Hey count again - I thought I had ten
O-o-o-ocho, o-o-o-o-ocho
It's evident: my womb is for rent

Can't afford any more
I still assure you I'll procreate
Vocation: replication
I should share my welfare
But I don't care, I just procreate
Need sitters for her litters

Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama
Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama

Ma-ma-mama
Ma-ma-mama

I'm not bluffin' that my muffin is for nothin' close to lovin'; it's for shovin' one more bun into my oven 'til I reach a dozen

So I'm the hostess with the mostest cell meiosis, and my closest diagnosis is eight doses of psychosis - holy Moses!

Got a need: gotta breed
There's donor seed and I procreate
She's wanting rampant spawning
I'm in pain, I'm insane
But I like fame so I procreate
Prolific and horrific

Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama
Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama
Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama
Pr-pr-pr-procreate, pr-pr-procreate
Ma-ma-mama!

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12/30/09 - "Weird Al" Yankovic

With his monthly releases in the middle of the year on the internet, which are collectively called, "Internet Leaks" of songs which will appear on his next album, Weird Al put out some absolutely classic songs. "Whatever You Like" was retroactively classified an 'Internet Leak.' Then the songs, "Craigslist", "Skipper Dan", "CNR" and "Ringtone" came out about a month apart from each other. It was a good summer.

Of these, a couple stood out above the rest. "Skipper Dan" is a catchy original about a man who was a good actor who never quite made it and is now a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland. I asked a tour guide about it if they hated Al now. Another guide started humming it. They have a good sense of humor.

But my #2 song of the year is "CNR". 'CNR' is short of Charles Nelson Reilly - a gameshow icon of the 1970's. He is most notable as a regular on the Match Game. This song is about Charles Nelson Reilly being given Norris-like powers - even at one point having the head of Chuck Norris mounted to his wall. Jib Jab did the video for this (a fun site). The video is missing one verse that you must buy the mp3 (or wait for the CD to come out) to hear. The ultimate machoness attributed to him is quite ironic considering how unmacho Charles Nelson Reilly was. Part of what makes it funny.

So with the spoof of all Chuck Norris, here's my #2 song of the year, "CNR"



Lyrics
Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood 8 foot tall, wore glasses
And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal
And excreted diamonds every day
He could throw you down a flight of stairs
But you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France
With two flat tires and a missin' chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry
I'm tellin' you the man was insane
He could rip out your beatin' heart
And show it to you right before you died
Every day he'd make the host of Match Game
Give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, a two-hour piggyback ride
Giddyup, Gene!

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was somethin' to see, I tell ya

(Verse not in video)
Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings
As a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded
With an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles
Than any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building
And he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe
Didn't even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn't treat him like a star
'Cause you can spit in the wind or tug on Superman's cape
But Lord knows you just don't mess around with CNR
No no no
Talkin' bout CNR
Ohh

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12/29/09 - TV's Kyle

My number 3 song of this year is TV's Kyle singing, "It's Just A Dream - Luigi's Lament." When this song first came out, I was whistling this song while umpiring little league games. It is extremely catchy -- an earworm of the worst kind -- with funny lyrics.

This song is based off of the plot of Super Mario Bros 2. I do remember playing this game some while growing up. I don't remember a lot of it except it was much more cartoon-y than the original Super Mario Bros and that part of it is digging down as quickly as you can. Fun stuff. I should download it for the Wii if it's there as I remember enjoying the game a lot and so I can listen to this song over and over again while playing.

Here's TV's Kyle with #3 for the year, "It's Just a Dream - Luigi's Lament."



Lyrics
Let’s all go back to 1988.
My older brother’s screaming into my face.
He speaks of adventure in a far away place
I think he’s gone nuts because his big lazy butt
Has been sleeping the whole afternoon.

It’s just a dream.
Oh Mario, it it’s not at all the way it seemed.
There’s no Birdos, Albatoss or Mousers,
It’s just a dream
Hey, I say brother,
It’s just a dream
However vivid, it can’t be the way it seemed.
Hate to burst your bubble, brother
but it was just a dream (Bob-Omb bomb)

“Oh, but Luigi! There were veg’tables.
I threw them at stuff.” (Bob-Omb bomb)
He does go on, but I soon yell,
“Enough, enough, enough already”
I’m sitting him down with a mug of shroom tea
Though I don’t like the tone he’s taken with me.
The three-headed snakes I say are totally fake
And why would vegetables all have a face?

My name’s Wart.
I’m big and green
And I invaded Mario’s dreams.
I want to rule the land of Sub-Con
And I think I could have won.
That big fat Italian dude
Force-fed me turnips, which I found rude.
I’d say he had a big advantage
With that floating princess
He blew up my friend the mouse
And stomped on Fry Guy. What a louse.
He picked up coins from underground
And used them for reincarnation
This whole thing is made of fail
I’m living in a tiny jail
Think I’ll move to Hyrule
And take up the ocarina.

It’s just a dream.
Oh Mario, it it’s not at all the way it seemed.
There’s no Birdos, Albatoss or Mousers,
It’s just a dream
Hey, I say brother,
It’s just a dream
However vivid, it can’t be the way it seemed.
Hate to burst your bubble, brother
but it was just a dream
It’s Doki Doki panic in Japan.

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12/28/09 - The Great Luke Ski

Ok, I called Luke Ski a loser yesterday on twitter since Spaff.com and Robert Lund beat Luke Ski on the Dr. D Funny 25, but Luke has had quite the year. I've enjoyed all of the stuff that he has come out with this year but this song was extremely timely and quick on the news.

My #4 song of the year is "Marvel Poppins" by the Great Luke Ski with vocals by Carrie Dahlby.



Speaking of these two, make sure you check out their podcast, Luke & Carrie's Bad Rapport at http://www.badrapport.com.

Lyrics
Marvel Poppins
A parody of "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious" from the Disney film Mary Poppins
About the Disney company buying the Marvel comic book franchise for $4 billion.
Lyrics by the great Luke Ski
© 2009 Luke Sienkowski All rights reserved


Yes, super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney.
All the freakin' fanboys are all throwing such a tizzy.
Spider-Man left Mary Jane for Ms. Maguire, Lizzie.
Super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney.

THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!
THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!
THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!
THWIP battle battle battle BAMF battle SNIKT!

Because of the recession Marvel comics was a wreck.
Then one day Mickey came along and wrote us a big check.
And now the mutants aren't the tourists roaming Disneyland,
And Iron Man's in rehab, and he's dressed as Peter Pan.

Oh, super heroes owned by Marvel now are Disney's bulk sales.
Punisher and Pinocchio are gonna go and hunt whales.
Uncle Scrooge and Bruce Banner will do a show called "Hulk Tales"
Super heroes owned by Marvel now are Disney's bulk sales.

Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!
Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!
Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!
Bruce Banner Banner Banner SMASH HULK SMASH!

Fantasic Four is staying at Seven Dwarves' residents.
Captain America hangs at The Hall Of Presidents.
Jessica as Electra, Roger Rabbit says, "Whoo-hoooooo!"
And Belle the beauty got confused 'cause now her Beast is blue!

Oh, super heroes owned by Marvel, Disney has acquired us.
We must go along with it or else the mouse will fire us.
X-Men are the Jonas Brothers, Storm is Miley Cyrus.
Super heroes owned by Marvel, Disney has acquired us.

[spoken:]
MICKEY MOUSE! Howard: Howard the Duck!
MICKEY MOUSE! Howard: Howard the Duck!

Carrie Poppins: You know I was going to suggest doing a crossover with "The Secret Of NIMH", but that's going a bit to far, don't you think?
Burt Ski: Indubitably.

[singing:]
Ghost Rider's in the Haunted Mansion, hangin' with Stan Lee, ("Excelsior!")
And you'll be Finding Namor out at EPCOT in the Seas.
And if they use it carefully, it could be enterprising.

[spoken:]
Burt Ski: For example?
Carrie Poppins: Ah, yes?
Burt Ski: "With great power comes great merchandising!"
[SFX: Wolverine claws 'SNIKT!']
Burt Ski: Oh, just look at my cute little talking Wolverine Stitch doll!
Wolverine Stitch: You got a problem, bub? Meega nala kwishta! Hee hee hee hee hee!

[singing:]
'Caaaaaaause, super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney.
All the freakin' fanboys are all throwing such a tizzy.
If it gets too crappy, you can always switch to D.C.!
Super heroes owned by Marvel now are owned by Disney!

[spoken:]
Goofy: Gorsh, it's clobberin' time! A-huh-hyuck!
[SFX: clumsy crash, explosion!]
Goofy: Waaaa-hoo-hoo-hoo-hooeeee!!!....

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12/27/09 - Below Average Dave

I changed my mind.

Since there are 5 days left in the New Year, I decided I wanted to post my 5 favorite songs from this year. There is nothing scientific about this. It's just what I like.

I featured this song as my first song of the day in retro on August 24th. That was before I had the song of the day idea but believe I posted it as a #MusicMonday suggestion. This song is "I Verbed a Noun" and is BA Dave parodying "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry, talking about how Everyone has parodied this song, sometimes funny, sometimes just plain weird. It's really a social commentary about the over-parodyization of some songs as happens to some which are really easy to do.

Apparently, a lot of people agree with me as this song is still in the Dementia Top 20 for 26 weeks now, #9 this week.

(NUMBER 5): Here is Below Average Dave with "I Verbed a Noun"

Lyrics
This song's not hard to understand
Each You Tube session
and so I gaze
pen in hand
What an obsession
Parody
Well there's two?
and there's six-hundred more
Guess this song's not taboo
No comprehension

We've heard the song, but she faked it
She prefers the taste of man spit
It's been lampooned more than most hits
and from the look, it will not quit
Peed in the Pool,
I kissed a guy,
Found two about getting high,
I kicked a nerd and Jeff liked it
He liked it!

The video was rather tame
Girls were all scattered
She don't kiss any, ain't that lame
This song's just chatter
That's 'cause Kate's
into dudes
Got rich by playing gay
Addicted to this tune
Why do I crave?

I kissed Grandma, that's disgusting
So's the one 'bout food hustling
I hit a girl, someone's singing
I hope he's just mud slinging
Some kiss a pig
Some kiss a cat
and one who picked up dog scat
He tebagged Frank in a hard hat
In a hard hat

This song's been hit by boys and girls
Quick hit, Lyrics, Give it a whirl
Some titles make me want to hurl
To simple, to pass up
It is alright, it deserves it.

On Mad-TV they had hit it
It almost looked like it was legit
I kissed Yo Girl, sounds arrogant
But that dude managed to rap it!
One about frogs
One about school
and Big Mac's make some kid drool
I took this song and I trashed it
I trashed it!

Read more...

12/26/09 - Mr. Safety

Well, we have a week until the new year. For this week, I am going to look for Cat songs. I wrote a cat song recently so thought this would be fun.

The first one is by Mr. Safety and is called, "The Mean Kitty Song" or "Hey Little Sparta." Fun song about an energetic kitty - as most are. Here's the song:



Lyrics
I got this little kitty about 2 months back
he was the nicest little kitty, now a pain in my crack
This little kitty is a ninja, always stalking my feet
This little kitty is a warrior you know what I mean

he's an evil little kitty look what he did to my hand
tries to get in trouble in any way that he can
I could give this cat a toy, but he'd rather have the wrapper
and I will always give him water, but he still drinks from the crapper

You could lock him in a closet and he just won't care
kitty chews on my shoes and he licks my hair
always scratching on my favorite chair and jumping on the couch
playing in the window sills and tearing through the house

He's so full of energy and easily amused
kitty will attack anything that moves
Causing trouble, starting battles just so he could be a little part of
he's a meanest little kitty so we named him sparta

Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite

Where'd you go
are you stalking me?
are you under the couch, quite possibly
ears laid back so you don't get caught
ready to pounce my leg with everything that you got

I know you're probably watching me from across the room
concentrating contemplating on attacking me soon
You're not invisible kitty, I'm gonna find you first
Come out come out before I make things worse

I've seen where you hide and I know where you've been
Hey kitty why don't you give in
Even if you try to sneak up on me, I'm prepared
Cause I've got my safety gear on and I'm not scared

I think I hear a kitty cat under the bed
I know your making noises just to mess with my head
You can stalk me all you want, but I'm not your pray
cause you always seem to find me first, but not today

Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
Come on out, I'm gonna get you now

I've got 'em cornered
and now he's mine
He's not gonna get away this time
I'll snatch him up fast before he can blink and then...
Aw man! He's asleep in the sink

What is with this cat? I'm confused
He's got a bed, but it's never been used
In every waking moment, kitty's out for the fight
then [fart] next minute kitty's out like a light

How could I let this creature live inside of my home
I gotta keep an eye on him when I'm on the phone
I'm a little afraid to leave this cat all alone
this kitty may destroy everything that I own

Look at him now, I kinda feel bad
He's the best little cat that I've had
and the one big thing I forgot to mention, was that
He wasn't fighting, he just wanted attention

Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
little bitty kitty wanna bite bite bite
Hey little sparta what is with all the fight
showing love, that's all this kitty does

Read more...

12/25/09 - Jonathan Coulton

I'm going to end the Christmas season the same way I started it off - with Jonathan Coulton singing Chiron Beta Prime. This is a live version from San Fransisco with some fan interaction. That would be very cool -- although I don't know if I am as gaga about JoCo (maybe.) So here is a live version of Chiron Beta Prime.



I hope you have a very Merry Christmas!

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12/24/09 - Voice of Victory

Well, this song would have probably fit better yesterday but the sentiment is the same. In a tweet from yesterday, I told someone "Happy the daytime of the eve of Christmas Eve." Well, this song is about that day, December 23rd. Of course, it was posted on December 23rd, which meant that it is a day late for my blog here.

It is called, "The Day Before The Day Before Christmas" by the Voice of Victory and talks of the eager anticipation a kid has that close to Christmas. Let me tell you, this year is the first year I am experiencing this first hand with my kids. They are old enough to get it now. SEND THEM BACK! Nah, it's ok. Gets me more excited too I guess.

So, here's the song:

Lyrics
well it's the day before the day before Christmas
and the presents are stacked under the tree
well it's the day before the day before Christmas
i can't wait to see what people got me

well it's the day before the day before Christmas
im not the only one with curiosity
well it's the day before the day before Christmas
and i caught sissy shaking the present from me

Well i have been really good all year long
i did all my chores amd i helped everyone
helped old ladies with a smile and a song on my lips
i can't beilieve it fianally gonna pay divadends

well it's the day before the day before Christmas
and dad giving me the eye
well it's the day before the day before Christmas
and i can't understand why

Cause've been really good -all year long
i did all my chores amd i helped everyone
helped old ladies with a smile on my lips
i can't beilieve it fianally gonna pay divadends

well it's the day before the day before Christmas
and the presents are stacked under the tree
well it's the day before the day before Christmas
and it's one more day to see what they will be

Read more...

12/23/09 - Gary Tucker

I featured Gary Tucker back on November 6th. Have you ever felt blue on Christmas? Well, Gary Tucker tells of a time that he was literally blue at Christmas. The hook caught me differently and made me laugh. I hope you enjoy it.

Lyrics
I get the blues
So very blue on Christmas
I get so blue yes it's true
On Christmas
Choked on a bone at Grandma's dinner table
So now I'm blue
Turning blue for Christmas

I got O2 on my wish list
When I'm blue nothing else will do
Bit off more than I could chew my friend
Now dig this...
I get the blues
Cause I'm turning blue on Christmas

I hope somebody buys me a respirator
Yeah cause I surelt do want my color back
I hope somebody knows the heimlich maneuver
Before I cruise out of the blue
And into the black

I got the blues
So very blue on Christmas
Hey I get so blue yes it's true
On Christmas
Choked on a bone at Grandma's dinner table
So now I'm blue
Turning blue for Christmas
I got the blues
Turning blue on Christmas
I got the blues
Cause I'm turning blue on Christmas

Read more...

12/22/09 - Anita Dobson

Well, this is a weird one.

Anita Dobson had this as the reverse side of her 1988 "I Dream of Christmas" release. I guess this is the same song done with some additional comments that makes it, "Silly Christmas." Interesting to say the least. Some of it is funny, some of it reaches but it really is silly, especially if it's the original artist making fun of her own stuff.

So, "A Silly Christmas" by Anita Dobson:



Lyrics
I sit alone by the fireside, it's hot, ha
And watch the old year passing by, it's gone now
Down the street they're singing party songs, and they never invite me, they stink
Christmas always makes me cry

I dream of Christmas
I dream of Christmas
Maybe my dreams will come true
I dream of Christmas
A merry Christmas
I dream of Christmas and you

And so tonight my thoughts are reaching out
Though you're a million miles away, and you never come to visit me
My dream is strong enough to see me through, I'm in the choir at school
Our love's forever and a day and a million miles

I dream of Christmas, I dream of Christmas
I dream of Christmas, do you like Christmas
Maybe my dreams will come true, they might come true, if I'm good
I dream of Christmas
A merry Christmas
I dream of Christmas and Santa Claus and you and mummy and daddy and my friends and everybody in the whole wide world

My brother he's written a letter to Santa Claus
And he says that if he don't get his bike this year
He's never speaking to him again
And he's gonna go round the estate
And he's gonna let down everybody's tyres on all their bikes
So that no-one can ride at all, he's mean ain't he?
But I like him - he's twelve and a half

Because I dream of Christmas
I dream of Christmas
Maybe my dream will come true
I dream of Christmas
I dream of Christmas
Maybe my dreams will come true

Sing with me now
I dream of Christmas, and Easter as well
I dream of Christmas, 'cos I like chocolate, do you?
Maybe my dreams will come true, it makes me sick as a dog
But I like Christmas better, because you get more presents at Christmas (I dream of Christmas)
Don't you, than you do at Easter (a merry Christmas)
More big ones, then you can swap them with the girl next door (I dream of Christmas and you), it's a good game isn't it

I dream of Christmas and you

I like swapping things with my girl friend
I asked her if she wanted to swap her dress once, and she said no, 'cos she never had any knickers on
I'm getting fed up now, I think I wanna go to the toilet
Oh, by the way, do you know Santa Claus's address?
'Cos when my brother sent a letter, my dad found it on the mat the next morning saying it never even got there
Honestly - the postmen round here, they're really, really terrible
So post it yourself, ay, or better still, why don't you take it, then give it to him
My mum says that to my dad, why don't you give it to him?
I think she's being dirty

Bye then, I 'spose I better go
Come round my house again
I think you're ever so nice
What's your name, go on, tell me
I better go, my mum's looking for me and I ain't done my homework yet

I got an apple in my bag, do you want it?
It's got a maggot in it, but I'm trying to grow maggots
'Cos this bloke at school, he says that if you get a lot of maggots and put them together they breed
And they make a lot of other maggots
And then it gets all gunky and sticky
And they all, if you give it to your mum and stick 'em in her hands, she screams
I like doing things like that, I'd 'spect it's 'cos of my brother, really
'Cos he's horrible, he's got spots 'un all
He picks 'em - it's nasty, isn't it, they go all over his face
He had chicken pox last time, and they all went into scabs
I saw him eating one once
It made me ever so sick, and my mum hit him
She's always hitting him
She says he's a right old so and so, he is and all
He really, really is terrible
Do you know what he did the other day? Shall I tell you?
We've got this hamster see
And he took it out of the cage in his hands

Merry Christmas everybody
Merry Christmas

Read more...

12/21/09 - Howard Scott Pearlman

Howard Scott Pearlman is a 57 year old retiree from New Jersey who apparently is a song writer and not the performer. This song is called, "The Santa Clause Rock" and is sung by Brock Goodwin with music by Robert Thomson.

First thing: since the Disney movie, I have noticed a lot of people spelling Santa's name as "Clause." Let's make this clear: 'Clause' is a stipulation in a contract. 'Claus' is Santa's name. No E. NO E! NO E! (Can't make the third one bigger.) I did copy the lyrics exactly though.

Secondly, I would love to see someone try this dance. It sounds violent. If you do this dance, please post it on youtube and send me a link.

Lyrics
I learned this song at the old North Pole
Taught to me by this merry old soul
It has a beat that really hops
It's called the Santa Clause Rock

It really was such a site to see
2000 elves dancing around a tree
I never saw so many kicking feet
As They Danced the Santa Clause Rock

Then the most shocking thing I know
9 Prancing Reindeer stole the show
And in that room it started to snow
As They Danced the Santa Clause Rock

Then Mrs Claus she stepped in
This is how she stays so fit and trim
With twirling moves and sudden stops
She danced the Santa Clause Rock

Oh pretty girl won't you dance with me
All around the lighted Chistmas Tree
As we make some history
As we Dance the Santa Clause Rock

Take a quick step to the left
Twirl around and catch your breath
Push your partner to and fro
As you dance the Santa Clause
You dance the Santa Clause Rock
Rock Rock

Take a quick step to the right
Spin your partner with all your might
Then you make a sudden stop
This is the Santa Clause Rock

Tilt your head back and
Ho Ho Ho
As the music soon will stop
Yet you did make History
Cause you learned the Santa Clause Rock

Read more...

12/20/09 - The Nick Atoms

Here's how the Nick Atoms started according to their website:
Years ago, Dr. Ted Nelson created two robots of extraordinary musical skill: Coburn and Wyngarde. Fueled by their creator’s steady atomic percussion, the two musical automatons are guided by Dr. Ted Nelson through the farthest reaches of science fiction cinema and television. However, Coburn and Wyngarde inherited the rebellious spirit of famed B-movie actor and Godzilla icon, Nick Adams, during their atomization. Fighting this inner-rebellion, Dr. Ted Nelson embarks on his most deadly experiment: The Nick Atoms!

I must say that I am not as well versed on the Nick Atoms as I would like to be. Of course, this can be fixed by going to their website and downloading 4 of their albums for free (http://thenickatoms.org/music/) Of course, if you have not heard by now, they are the musical guest of honor for Marscon, 2010 in a sort of reunion/finale performance.

This song is currently posted on their webpage celebrating Christmas. The kid is cute. This is, "It's Christmas Time" by the Nick Atoms. Enjoy

Read more...

12/19/09 - Marco Patitucci

I look forward to Christmas every year. I really do love Christmas carols but I think we should take time to remember all those who are depressed for Christmas, birthdays, holidays, and other joyous celebrations. We should remember the Emo kids on Christmas.

This song is called, "A Funny Emo Kid Christmas." Marco plays his own guitar and is the nephew of a pretty well known jazz bassist (if you are into knowing jazz basist,) John Patitucci. While the song isn't too drop on the floor silly, it does garner an ironic chuckle here and there. Overall, I enjoyed it.

So, here's Marco Patitucci:



Find him on his youtube channel Here

Lyrics
Black Friday is the day after Thanksgiving.
But theyre all dark days as long as I am living.
Take your dead trees, and their oh ironic angels.
Take your baby king, in his oh ironic manger.

Take your Santa, take your wreaths,
Christmas just aint Halloween.

Whats an Emo to do, for the holidays?
All of these jolly days, make me want to puke.
And hows an Emo to deal, with all of this Christmas cheer?
Give me some Christmas beers, and leave me alone.

As far as Im concerned, three wisemen is a shot.
Til theres A Cure Christmas my radio stays off.
String you popcorn, hang your icicle shaped lights.
Its the last ice youll see in our current climate crisis.

Take Rudolph Reindeer, take Frosty.
Christmas aint for kids like me.

Whats an Emo to do, for the holidays?
All of these jolly days, make me want to puke.
And hows an Emo to deal, with all of this Christmas cheer?
Give me some Christmas beers, and leave me alone.

Take your Santa, take your wreaths,
Christmas just aint Halloween.

Whats an Emo to do, for the holidays?
All of these jolly days, make me want to puke.
And hows an Emo to deal, with all of this Christmas cheer?
Give me some Christmas beers, and leave me alone.

Read more...

12/18/09 - Kobi LaCroix

Kobi LaCroix is rather new on the dementia scene but has made a big splash. His commercials for Brutomax are irreverently funny with the insanity of the Worm Quartet. I was very happy to see that he has submitted a song for the Mad Music Archive Christmas Contest. His song is a parody of 'O Christmas Tree' called, "O Christmas Tree" but this one is about the days following Christmas, such as Arbor Day (although I don't think he mentions it directly.)

For more on Kobi LaCroix, check him out on his website The Zen Cavern where you can check out his songs as well as his drawings which are quite stunning. Such talent in the dementia community.

Also make sure to vote. Voting closes REAL soon!



Lyrics
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
You're dead and decomposing
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
Your verdant leaves are brown now
You look pathetic standing there
Your sickly branches going bare
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
Your needles clog the vacuum

O, plastic tree
O, plastic tree
Assembling you is a nightmare
O, plastic tree
O, plastic tree
Your parts are all mislabeled
Instructions all in Japanese
You somehow got Dutch Elm Disease
O, plastic tree
O, plastic tree
You're laced with lead and mercury

O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
By drunkards decorated
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
Your ornaments are beer cans
Your tinsel's all been torn to shreds
Your angel topper has no head
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
The dog has marked his territory

O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
Gratuitously shiny
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
You scream to cats, "Destroy me!"
Your lights are wired improperly
You start on fire randomly
O, Christmas tree
O, Christmas tree
Next year you'll be a compost heap.

Read more...

12/17/09 - David Tanny

I don't believe there is a more divisive artist in dementia music than David Tanny. Some people love him. Some people hate him. Everyone should respect him that likes dementia music for what he puts into it. While you may not be a fan of his music, it is hard to deny that he loves the genre and spends a lot of his time trying to bring people into the fold. Some of his stuff I absolutely love and others I am not a big fan of, but he does what he likes and invites us in many, many, many different ways to join him.

Today's song is, "I'm Doin' Nothing For Christmas" and is a song, like the "Way To Early Christmas Song" by Paul and Storm and "The Most Commercial Time of the Year" by Max DeGroot, that complains about Christmas coming before Halloween. It is a parody of the classic song by Spike Jones, "I'm Getting Nuttin' For Christmas."

So, here's David Tanny:



You can find David Tanny everywhere. Here's a Mad Music Archive post of all his links: http://themadmusicarchive.com/readblog.aspx?id=3112


Lyrics:

I refuse to deck the halls Chorus "Christmas is over hyped!"
I refuse to shop at malls Chorus "Christmas is over hyped!"
I won't buy a Christmas tree They all die too soon, you see
They cost too damn much for me "Christmas is over hyped!"

I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Everybody's gonna be mad
I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Cuz all year you've treated me bad!

Christmas songs have gotten stale "Christmas is over hyped!"
I don't like to send out mail Chorus "Christmas is over hyped!"
Shopping is a big rat race I can't find a parking space
I must get out of this place "Christmas is over hyped!"

I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Everybody's gonna be mad
I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Cuz all year you've treated me bad!

Christmas brings me lots of fear "Christmas is over hyped!"
Relatives are coming here "Christmas is over hyped!"
Christmas is a lot of work Beam me up to Captain Kirk
I can't stand no more on Earth "Christmas is over hyped!"

I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Everybody's gonna be mad
I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Cuz you've all been nothin' but bad!

Do not get me all so wrong "Christmas is over hyped!"
It is a pro Christmas song "Christmas is over hyped!"
I don't make a big fat buck I am poor and out of luck
I will leave town in my truck Chorus "Christmas is over hyped!"

I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Everybody's gonna be mad
I'm doing nothing for Christmas
Cuz all year you've treated me bad!

So you better stop hyping this holiday,
Or else I keep on goin' away,
I'm doing nothing for Christmas

Read more...

12/16/09 - Bob Dylan

In case you didn't hear, Bob Dylan came out with a new album this year and, if you could believe this, it is a Christmas album. While I haven't had the pleasure of hearing the album yet (and I am skeptical about the word pleasure there), he does have one song up on Youtube, "Must Be Santa."

I just watched this video with my daughter and it is... interesting. The song is much better than you'd expect -- although vintage Dylan comes out saying "Ho, ho, ho" and in his list of presidents mixed with the names of Santa's reindeer.

Here is Bob Dylan's "Must Be Santa" and I have to ask, why was the guy running away?!?



Lyrics
Who's got a beard that's long and white
Santa's got a beard that's long and white

Who comes around on a special night
Santa comes around on a special night

Special Night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Who wears boots and a suit of red
Santa wears boots and a suit of red

Who wears a long cap on his head
Santa wears a long cap on his head

Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Who's got a big red cherry nose
Santa's got a big red cherry nose

Who laughs this way HO HO HO
Santa laughs this way HO HO HO

HO HO HO, cherry nose
Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Who very soon will come our way
Santa very soon will come our way

Eight little reindeer pull his sleigh
Santa's little reindeer pull his sleigh

Reindeer sleigh, come our way
HO HO HO, cherry nose
Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, Vixen,
Eisenhower, Kennedy,
Johnson, Nixon.

Dasher, Dancer,
Prancer, VIxen,
Carter, Reagan,
Bush and Clinton.

Reindeer sleigh, come our way
HO HO HO, cherry nose
Cap on head, suit that's red
Special night, beard that's white

Must be Santa
Must be Santa
Must be Santa, Santa Claus

Read more...

12/15/09 - Spike Jones

Spike Jones is a legend of the dementia world. He passed in 1965 but his music is still as funny and tasteful now as it was when it was first made.

This song is called, "My Birthday Comes on Christmas" -- a situation I always wondered about.



Lyrics
I got a drum. I got a horn
They gave me a bicycle just for being born
But I'm only getting half of what I oughta
'Cause my birthday comes on Christmas

I got a train, it really runs
They gave me a space suit, it should be lots of fun
But I'm only getting half of what I oughta
'Cause my birthday comes on Christmas

Gee but it's tough to be a kid like me
But I guess there is nothing I can do
'Cause all of the stuff beneath the Christmas tree
Has to count for my birthday, too

I get so mad at Mum and Dad
Of all the days that they picked to have me had
And they only give me half of that they oughta
'Cause my birthday comes on Christmas

I get so mad at Mum and Dad
Of all the days that they picked to have me had
And they only give me half of that they oughta
'Cause my birthday comes at Christmas

Why does my birthday have to come on Christmas?

Read more...

12/14/09 - Medemia

Well, I'll continue on the Mad Music Archive's Christmas Contest theme and submit my own song today. This song is called, "My Christmas E-Mail." It is a song of an innocent, young boy who has discovered that Santa Clause has a webpage so he can send his Christmas list electronically.
Why chimpanzees? I don't know. It just sounded strange and out of the way.



Lyrics
I saw that Santa had a webpage
He had joined the ‘lectronic age
I e-mailed this
My Christmas list
Oh Santa, please grant me my wish

I asked him for a game machine
And then a bicycle that’s green
For mommy, please
Some chimpanzees
Oh Santa, please grant me my wish

On my computer I kept an eye
For virtual Santa’s reply
And soon it came
He said my name
And Santa saw my Christmas wish

Dear Johnny, you’ve been very good
You’ve done all the things you should
I’ll be there soon
Here’s a cartoon
Until I grant your Christmas wish

So I sat there in daddy’s chair
I Wait for my cartoon to appear
I’m so happy
He thought of me
And answered my…

SANTA SENT ME A VIRUS!
SANTA SENT ME A VIRUS!

I’m dead when dad finds out about this.

Read more...

12/13/09 - Rycehat

Rycehat, the side project of Odd Austin, came out with a CD of Christmas songs called "Rated X-Mas". It is very good. Of course, the entire album is part of the Mad Music Archive Christmas Contest. (Make sure to go vote!)

This song is called, "What Mom Got Me." Kinda goes with the same theme of "Gift Card" -- although I am sure he worked on his longer than I did so I probably copied him. (Not that anyone necessarily copied anyone -- great minds think alike.)

So here's Rycehat, aka Odd Austin, with "What Mom Got Me."

Read more...

12/12/09 - Power Salad

In case you haven't heard yet, the Mad Music Archive (link at the top of the page) is currently running a Christmas song contest. Yes, I've submitted a song already. My equipment and my vocals are still inferior but I enjoy doing it so vote for me anyway.

Anyway, this song is not by me. This is Power Salad's entry into this years contest, "Santa's Gonna Telecommute This Christmas." How is he going to e-mail bicycles? Beats me but Power Salad tackles this and many other difficult questions when Santa decides that he should telecommute. Is it to stop global warming by the gas emitted by reindeer as they digest their flying diet? Is it because he's getting too old for this? Who knows but the song is fun to listen to.

Remember to go visit the Mad Music Archive and vote for your favorite Christmas song (especially if that song is by me.)

Read more...

12/11/09 - Tom Smith

The fastest filker returns to our song of the day blog. Tom Smith, one of the artist of the FuMP, is prolific, funny, and very pirate-y. His song, "Talk Like a Pirate Day" is pretty much the theme of the day. He has been doing dementia music for a while and is well respected pretty much everywhere.

This song continues on the pirate theme. It is called, "A Pirate Christmas" and is a bunch of Christmas songs piratized. Very funny. So here's Tom Smith.




Lyrics
We three kings of orient ARRR...

Swab the decks w' boughs of holly
fa la la la la, la la la la
Hoist the Roger if it's jolly
fa la la la la, la la la la
Don we now our pirate trappings,
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
Caught me peg leg in these wrappings
fa la la la la, la la la la

From the portside to the starboard
And from transom to bow
We are covered with invading bivalves
They latched on when we were harbored,
And nobody knows how
To remove them and get the ship clear.
Barnacles, barnacles,
Give me a friggin' damn crowbar
barnacles, barnacles,
Soon they will eat this whole bay.

Said the lookout to the bosun's mate,
Do you hear what I hear?
(Do you ARRR what I ARRR!)

(a cappella)
O Cannonball, O Cannonball
I'll shoot you through the stockade wall

All I want fer christmas is me two front teeth,
Me two front teeth, me two front teeth....

My cap'n told me,
Ba-rum pa pum pum
ARRR, RUM!

Ye better watch out, ye better not cry,
Get the rum out, I'm tellin' you why,
Cap'n Jack is comin' ta town
He walks with a list, talks a good game,
Blade, kiss or fist, it's always the same,
Cap'n Jack is comin' ta town.
He seizes any treasure
The rum and wenches too,
He knows if you've been bad or good
(Cap'n Jack voice) And either one will do!
Don't follow his lead, it's gonna get grim,
The only survivor likely is him,
Cap'n Jack is comin' ta town.

Christmas, Christmas time is here,
Time fer loot and wine and beer,
Santa, bring your big ol' bag,
We want treasure, we want swag
Want a map from some old book,
Me I want a brand new hook
We can hardly stand the wait
Please Christmas, don't be late.

I saw the cap'n kissing Santy Claus
Down below the bulwark late last night
... Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Arrr! The herald angels sing,
Here's a letter from the king

Up in the crows nest, it's my watch,
Keeping warm with rum and scotch,
Icy winds and freezing sleet,
Too darn slippery to keep my feet
Yo ho ho, who wouldn't goOOOOOOO....

Silent night, holy night,
Shush the cat, douse the light
Round the back, the door isn't locked
Grab their stuff, we'll go get it hocked
Sleep in heavenly peace,
The constables' palms have been greased.

Dashing through the snow
Is somethin' we ain't done,
Because we never go
Away from tropic sun,
Keep yer cold and ice,
We think it's kinda dumb
We've got our Christmas paradise
With beaches, girls and rum!
ARRR!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way,
Oh what fun it is to sail the Caribbean today-ay!
Jingle bells, jingle bells, Christmas on the sea,
Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, a Santa's life for me!
Yo ho ho, yo ho ho, a Santa's life for me!

Read more...

12/10/09 - Steve Bryant

Another second listing. This is Steve Bryant - a political comedian. He does songs about bad city politics, silly national politics, and stuff that just doesn't really belong in politics. Funny stuff.

This song is called, "Healthcare Blunderland" and is about the current health care debate in Washington. I hope you like it.

Lyrics
Healthcare costs, they keep rising.
No one cares, it’s not surprising.
On Capitol Hill,
There’s a stupid bill.
Promising some really bad health care.

Wait a year to see a doctor.
Pelosi said, it didn’t shock her.
It’s way too damn long,
Harry Reid is just wrong.
Promising some really bad health care.

The Senate and the Congress are competing.
Deciding who will live and who will die.
Now we know our lives are really fleeting.
The rules of common sense just don’t apply.

Maybe we should conspire,
Before we all join the choir.
We’re very afraid,
Of the plans that they made,
Promising some really bad health care.

The Senate and the Congress are competing.
I think we should vote the bastards out.
Each and every one of them is cheating,
They don’t know what bill is all about.

It’s our health that they’re killin’,
They don’t care, it’s just chillin’,
The whole thing’s a sham,
They don’t give a damn.
Promising some really bad health care.

Read more...

12/9/09 - Gonken

Today's song is by Gonken. Gonken is 29 year old Jason from Kirkland, Washington. He is a punk artist (the style, not literally a punk although I have never hung out with him.) Here is what Jason says as his history:

Johnny Gonken

Embracing the punk individualist ethic wholeheartedly, Johnny Gonken creates music that is totally the product of his own wild imagination. With the fervor of an artist driven by his own need to have a unique voice in the world (and fueled by the talent to accomplish just that), Gonken churns out energetic, hooky and artistically defiant music he calls “quirky electro-punk rock.” It's a galvanizing sound and one that reverberates with the in-your-face rawk assault and stimulated by electronic surges.

Genius and Insanity

Deviation from the norm is frequently criticized, sometimes hated. But Gonken doesn't care. He's confident in his highly original music. He has a mark to make on the world and he's busy carving it in. His music can be seen as a reflection of the hypocrisy of the music industry. The unsigned independent who steps off the beaten path is written off as nuts. But the same wacko who makes it is praised for his forward-thinking music. “There's a fine line between genius and insanity,” Gonken says. “That line is fame. If you're underground, people call you crazy, but if you're famous, you're regarded as a genius.”

Fusion

Diversity is perhaps the defining element of Gonken's sound. His music finds roots in everything from pop punk to angry industrial – and a lot in between. Eclecticism drives his creative process and he seeks to offer as colorful a musical experience as possible. Besides music, he also draws energy from humor and sci-fi cinema. His inspired askewness charges through every song, his music raw yet primitive, raving mad yet with a satirical edge.

Apparently, he now has a digital album on Amazon (Here) and iTunes called, "Robots vs. Zombies". This song is not on that album. This song is called, "I Want a Robot For Christmas." Enjoy.

Read more...

12/8/09 - John W. Selleck

John W. Selleck is a 59 year old singer/songwriter from Williamstown, New Jersey. He usually sings country, but does say that he is not stuck in the genre.

This song is about Santa Claus needing to go on a diet. I'm not sure who John got to sing for him on this one, but I like it. Here is, "No More Milk And Cookies."

Lyrics
This year when you take presents
From underneath your tree
I hope you read the notes attached
For they all come from me

Let’s put Santa on a diet
I hope he doesn’t mind
Please no more milk and cookies
If you want to be kind
I’ve had to hire new lawyers
To settle every case
Of rooftops he has broken
And chimneys out of place

It’s veggie trays and Crystal Light
If put out treats you must--------{Chorus
Please no more milk and cookies
You’ll make his belly bust

The reindeer are too skinny
Their jobs are getting’ tough
So no more milk and cookies
He really weighs enough
Poor Rudolph’s’ nose is dimmin’
Though you won’t hear him moan
I’m sure at every homestead
He gives an inward groan
They had to leave Los Angeles
Just one stop did he make
For when they touched the sleigh down
It started an earthquake

It’s veggie trays and Crystal Light
If put out treats you must-------{Chorus
Please no more milk and cookies
You’ll make his belly bust

{Instr.Brk

The fabric bills are getting’ high
A new suit every year
When he gets home the seams are split
He doesn’t seem to care
A word for all you rednecks
With the pretzels, chips, and beer
If healthy snacks you put out
You’ll fill my house with cheer
And for you New Yorker’s
With your cheeses and your wine
Please hold ‘em till his suits fit
Then a friend you’ll be of mine

It’s veggie trays and Crystal Light
If put out treats you must---------{Chorus
Please no more milk and cookies
You’ll make his belly bust

Please no more milk and cookies
You’ll make his belly bust

Read more...

12/7/09 - Devo Spice

I was going to make this my song of the day on December 6th, but remembered that December 6th is actually The Feast of St. Nicolas, so decided to find yesterday's song instead.

Devo Spice is one of the big players in the dementia world. He is one of the founders of the FuMP, has had the #1 song on Dr. Demento's site, and is a funny guy. I enjoy his stuff.

This song was actually written for Christmas of '08 but with the economy the way it is still in 2009, it could have been written yesterday. It is called, "Lean Christmas" and talks about one man's struggles with financial hardship and a wish list the size of Nebraska from his kids. Very sad and enjoyable song.



You can find Devo Spice on The FuMP, on his website on Twitter, on facebook and anywhere funny music and pastrami sandwiches are sold.

Lyrics

Hey! This is Christmas! I hope we don't miss this
My kids have half of Walmart on their wish list
But I'm flat broke so I scrape and I scrounge
All around, hey now, found a quarter in the couch!
"Alright, book of matches for Mommy."

Things are pretty lean this year and I fear
That there may be a real lack of holiday cheer
Unless I come into some money, like if I won the lottery
Or joined a blood bank, and dug into an artery
'Cause right now I just haven't got a dime
Out of work, out of money, and I'm running out of time
And I don't know what to do, man, haven't got a plan
The way it's going our house will be as festive as Iran
Most people shop at Toys R Us or at the mall
I'm at the dollar store and can't afford nothin' at all
I dig deep into my pocket to see what I can find
Excuse me, what can I get for two buttons and a piece of twine?
Hey there's a toy car with some dents
And only three wheels, but it's marked down to ten cents
Now if only I had that much money I'd be set
Guess it's time to raid the fountain to see what I can get

Hey! This is Christmas! I hope we don't miss this
My kids have half of Walmart on their wish list
But I'm flat broke so I scrape and I scrounge
All around, hey now, found a dime in the couch!
"Cool, now I can get my daughter that gumball she's been wanting."

Maybe this won't be so bad after all
I just need to get creative when I deck the halls
Like instead of a tree I'll use that broom over there
And hang some pantyhose by the chimney with care
Outdoor decorations won't be hard
I'll tie a branch on my dog and make him stand in the yard
Poison ivy works as well as mistletoe can
And for dinner we're gonna have a big ol' ham
Sandwich that we'll have to split five ways
And it's gonna have to last for a couple o' days
And the trimmings, yeah, we're gonna have all of 'em
Popcorn balls, potato chips, and M&Ms
I can't afford eggnog or any other perk
But I found a little three month old milk that aught to work
And I think I still have a fruitcake from last year
Around here somewhere, Merry Christmas, dear!

Hey! This is Christmas! I hope we don't miss this
My kids have half of Walmart on their wish list
But I'm flat broke so I scrape and I scrounge
All around, hey now, found a nickel in the couch!
"This is going right to Grandma and Grandpa. I'll tell them to go to the casino and play the nickel slots. Maybe they'll win a dollar."

But then my kid come to me with a list, and I think
That there's no way in Hell I can afford any of this
I say I'm sorry but I'm broke, there's no way that I can swing it
And she says, that's OK, Daddy, Santa Claus will bring it
And I feel my confidence rebound
And know there's no way in Hell I'm gonna let my kids down
'Cause children and family are what it's all about
And besides, what's one more mortgage on the house?

Paperwork filed, rate's locked in
Forty-seven signatures later I begin
When I'm done shopping I'll be paying an amount
For around thirty years so I better make it count
For the girl, a life size walk in doll house
With a robot maid and a butler named Klaus
For the boy, I'll get him a race car bed
One that actually drives and has cool tire tread
For the baby, I'll get him this big pneumatic
Type swing thing with toys, the Neglect-O-Matic™
And the wife, what woman could ask for more
She likes shoes so much, now she owns the damn store
For me, maybe I can finally get
That private jet, nah, maybe I'll just get a Vette
I'm up to my pancreas in debt, but hey
What can I say? It's the American way

Hey! This is Christmas! I hope we don't miss this
My kids have half of Walmart on their wish list
But I'm flat broke so I scrape and I scrounge
All around, hey now, found a penny in the couch!
"OK, I can put this on the train tracks, let a train run over it and give it to my son. Then he can have his own mutant,... squished... portrait of Lincoln.... or something."

Read more...

12/6/09 - The Leader and the Lemming

Today is the Festival of St. Nicolas so I thought I'd find a song specifically about St. Nick. Well, not really, but it is a boy's realization of him.

This song is called, "St. Nick's Prank" and about a boy who hung his stocking on December 5th expecting candy. Let me just say, let kids be kids! Don't give them an apple when they're expecting a snicker bar! Hang on, I have to go give my kids some tofu.

Ok, back. "The Leader and the Lemming" is made up of a guy named Ben from Green Bay, Wisconsin. Looking through his other bands, he is a frisbee golfer and his journey to learn how to play the acoustic guitar is pretty much chronicled on his soundclick band pages (http://www.soundclick.com/members/default.cfm?member=pepbandspirit). Apparently, if you need a guitarist in Green Bay or Lacrosse, Wisconsin, look up Ben.

Again, this song, "St. Nick's Prank":

Lyrics
I believed for a while
it had to be true
but how well I remember that day
I couldn't tell you

December fifth
stockings up
lots of candy
if I'm in luck

woke up that day
ready to pack
all my choclate into my
nap sack

I went to school
without any lute
but where's my candy
I got fruit

My mother, she's too healthy
My mother, she's too healthy
She didn't give any candy to me
She didn't give any candy to me - because
My mother, she's too healthy
My mother, she's too healthy

When I got back home
I told her what I thought
St. Nick's not real
'cause look at what he brought

She laughed for a minute
then I knew
I was right
and it was true

Read more...

12/5/09 - Robby the Elf

Robby the Elf calls himself the "King of Christmas Crunk." He is the love child of his elven mother and his human dad and is now the world's first rapping elf.

This song is called, "Almost Twas The Night" and the adventure of Robby the Elf the night he saved Christmas.

Hope you enjoy it.

Find Robby on Soundclick, Myspace, Facebook and Twitter.

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12/4/09 - Anonymous

If you have been around the music scene at all, your friends have probably shared this song with you one way or another sometime in the last few years.

There are so many theories where this song came from in the first place. Was it a good singer who was just joking around? Was it a guy sending an audition tape to Nashville to try to get his big break? Was it a priest singing to his congregation one December morning? People started popping up on youtube claiming that they were the singer of the viral version of "Oh Holy Night", also known as the Abominable Version.

In December, 2006, Jordan Green presented this song on his blog (Blog) with some theories of his own. Some people said it was real. Others a great joke. Most laughed at the utter greatness of the horribleness. One of the most telling theories out there, posted by a follower named Kella, analyzed it like this:

It has to be a joke. While the losing pitch would be hard to accomplish, there are some things this guy does that hint at his real ability to sing. For one thing, the song gets progressively funnier, as if it were planned. But there are three things that really give it away: 1. The vowels. People who have never sung before or have but have never been trained don't keep one constant vowel on long notes. For example the word "devine" an untrained singer might sing "de-vah-eeen" instead of leaving the dipthong for the very end, as a trained singer would. This guy's vowels are good. 2. His use of breath support is actually kind of impressive, with the exception of breathing in the middle of "devine" at the very end. He breathes silently and he goes long phrases without breathing. Even trained singers have a hard time with this song and not breathing in the middle of words. 3. Although his pitch sags on many of the notes, on the high ones, he gets up there. Even if he has to scream it and makes horrible sounds. Untrained singers, when they can't hit a note or don't think they can hit a note, they change the tune and sing a lower one. But this guy always hits the note, even the high note at the end, which second sopranos have a hard time with. Therefore, this guy can actually sing.

Well, a year after Jordan posted his blog, the true author of the song contacted him and gave him an hour interview. "Steve M." wished to remain semi-anonymous but didn't like seeing others take credit for his horrible work. You can see the interview Here While the interview is extensive and conclusive, it doesn't hurt the great rendition of the Abominable Oh Holy Night.

So, here is one of the worst renditions of any Christmas Carol you will ever hear. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

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12/3/09 - The HP Lovecraft Historical Society

If you have never played "Call of Cthulhu" or read HP Lovecraft, let me advise against it as it will drive you INSANE! That's the point of the entire thing. Soon, you'll enjoy dementia music.

This song is a parody of "Santa Claus is Coming To Town" named, "Great Old Ones Are Coming to Town." Again, it's Cthulhu humor.

If you like HP Lovecraft, check out the HP Lovecraft Historical Society at their webpage. I especially like the Cthulhu ski mask.



Lyrics
You'd better watch out; you'd better go hide.
An Elder Sign is needed for this Yuletide.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They're making a fist and shaking it twice.
They're going to hit you naughty or nice.
Great Old Ones are coming to town.

They're bringing ugly shoggoths, And horrid Deep Ones too.
Shub Niggurath is waking up,
And so is Cthulhu.

So you'd better watch out, you'd better go 'way,
Before the big guy comes up from R'lyeh.
Great Old Ones are coming town.

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12/2/09 - The Muppets

With the success of the Muppets' version of "Bohemian Rhapsody" the other day, it made me wish for simpler days of the Muppets singing great songs, having a great show, and making great movies. Right now, it looks like the Muppets have been relegated to doing youtube videos. They do remind me of old skits on the Muppet Show, and if the things they do continue to go viral, maybe Disney will see how popular the Muppets still are.
So, through all that, it reminded me of one of the albums that defined my Christmas every year growing up, John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album, "A Christmas Together." I grew up listening to that record and have since bought the CD numerous time. Now I have them all as MP3's on my computer so it is all good. I absolutely love this CD. It is one of the reasons that I truly love the Christmas season.
Today's song is "Christmas is Coming." It is a traditional song that Miss Piggy does the lead on, then other Muppets come and join her on the round -- featuring Gonzo. This is probably my favorite song off the album and it is definitely my oldest daughter's. Of course, she says, "If you haven't got a "Hah" penny" not really knowing what a halfpenny - or 'ha'penny' is.
Here's "Christmas is Coming" by Miss Piggy and the Muppets.



Lyrics
Christmas is coming,
The geese are getting fat,
Please put a penny
In the old man's hat.
If you haven't got a penny,
A ha'penny will do,
If you haven't got a ha'penny,
Then God bless you.

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12/1/09 - Frank Welker w/ The John Bahler Singers

Growing up, I heard this song one time and instantly fell in love with it. I think it was in my best friend's car as his mom was driving us to work. She would listen to a local country station that would play funny Christmas songs in between the bad country music. Some funny songs came out that I remember, a parody of "We've Got Heart" about Gary Hart's affair, The William 'The Refrigerator" Perry 12 days of Christmas, Driving Around in the Pope Mobile, and some others.

I'm sure The Great Luke Ski could tell you all about Frank Welker. Frank is a voice actor. He did 9 different Decepticon voices for the original Transformer cartoon. His list of voice over work is incredible (seriously, check it out: Frank Welker's Wikipedia page). I am actually sitting here in awe of this voice work. See... AWWWWWEEEE!

Well, this song by Frank Welker is called, "The Totally Ridiculous Twelve Days of Christmas (Or A Cat Stuck In a Pear Tree.)" It really is convoluted and quite enjoyable.




Enjoy!

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11/30/09 - Mel Blanc

In a world of political correctness, I doubt this song would have seen the light of day. I enjoy it thoroughly.

Some of you may know this, most don't. I did work a year as a professional puppeteer. It was small time, nothing like the Muppets or anything. It was a local amusement park. The song I tried out with was "The Hat I Got For Christmas Is Too Beeg" by Mel Blanc, so this song does hold a special place in my heart. I did get the job and had fun for the next year, puppeting, teaching the rest of the crew how to puppet, making sock puppets with kids and the like. It was a lot of fun but school was calling me, as well as a full-time girlfriend at the time (who did become my wife) so priorities had to be readjusted.

This song is Mel Blanc singing in a near Speedy Gonzalez voice, although I think it's actually closer to Slowpoke Rodriguez. It's a shame that they don't play either cartoon anymore (in fact, I haven't seen an old-school Loony Toons cartoon in way too long) because they are not PC. So, presenting a youtube video using the song, "The Hat I Got For Christmas Is Too Beeg." (The video is blah but the music is great.)



Lyrics
The hat I got for Christmas is too big
It's nice, but my sombrero is too big
Is it raining, is it snowing, I can't see where I am going
`Cause the hat I got for Christmas is too big

But ring the bells and beat the drum
Ring the bells and beat the drum
I'll ring the bells to be polite
But if I see that Santé Claus I'm going to start a fight

The hat I got for Christmas is too big
Oh, it's nice, but my sombrero is too big
If you wonder why I shiver, I'll tell three times in the river
`Cause the hat I got for Christmas is too big

But ring the bells and beat the drum
Ring the bells and beat the drum
I'll ring the bells, but I feel sick
`Cause Mr. Santé Claus you played on me a dirty trick

The hat I got for Christmas is too big
It's nice, but my sombrero is too big
If you think it's hot in Siam, you should be in here where I am
The hat I got for Christmas is too big

The hat I got for Christmas is too big
It's nice, but my sombrero is too big
Can't tell one thing from another, I got married to my brother
The hat I got for Christmas is too big

But ring the bells and beat the drum
Ring the bells and beat the drum
I'll ring the bells and say : "Olé"
But Mr. Señor Santé Claus you spoiled my holiday

Porqué socce sombrero grande Santé Claus ?

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11/29/09 - The Star Wars Intergalactic Droid Choir & Chorale

In the vein of The Star Wars Christmas Special comes this wonderful song. You would think Lucas would know better but then again, you would think he would know better after Jar Jar Binks too but that didn't happen.

This song is "What Can You Get A Wookiee For Christmas (When He Already Owns A Comb?)" The song is actually pretty funny if not disturbing. Some fun facts about this song posted on the Mad Music Archive:

# This song was part of a Star Wars-themed Christmas album released in 1980, entitled CHRISTMAS IN THE STARS.
# Meco Monardo, one of the producers, had a number of hits in the late 1970's and early 1980's w/ discofied remakes of movie themes (i.e., "Star Wars," "Close Encounters," "The Empire Strikes Back," "Under The Rainbow," etc).
# One of the vocalists on this song (and on many of the other songs from the album) was a young Jon Bon Jovi (using the correct spelling of his last name: "Bongiovi")!

So, here's a Youtube video with this song:



You can find more about The Star Wars Intergalactic Droid Choir & Chorale and their current work by visiting their recording studio on Tatooine.

Lyrics
What can you get a Wookie for Christmas
When he already owns a comb
What can you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that
To take home

Oh, he doesn't need a tie clip
And he doesn't use shaving foam
So what can you get a Wookie for Christmas
When he already owns a comb
(Spoken:) It's really a problem

What can you get a Wookie for Christmas
when he already owns a comb
What can you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that

Lyrics courtesy Top40db.

To take home
No, He'll never wear galoshes
Or a hat upon his furry dome
So what can you get a Wookie for Christmas
When he already owns a comb

Let's give him love and understanding
Good will to men
We wrap it all up in bright colored ribbon
And we give it to him all over again
And that's what you get a Wookie for Christmas
When he already owns a comb.

That's what you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that
To take home
'Cause he doesn't need a tie clip
And he doesn't need shaving foam
So that's what you get a Wookie for Christmas
When he already has a comb
When he already owns a comb!

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11/28/09 - Max DeGroot

Max DeGroot enters our world of Song of the Day again. He says that he has a whole lot of new Christmas songs this month. Well, I really liked this one. This one is called, "Christmas Time Spaghetti" and features Max's characters, Stargazer, and his nephew, Dipper. While I have never heard the original song this is based off of, Christmas In Kilarney, I'm sure Max does a good job.

Max DeGroot has hit the dementia scene quite quickly this year. Earlier in the year he had his first Dementia Top 20 hit and has been on the chart almost all the time since then.

So, for a song that will probably be on next week's list, here is "Christmas Time Spaghetti".

Check out Max DeGroot on his Soundclick, on his webpage, www.maxdegroot.com, and on the Dementiaradio.org chat room quite frequently.

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