12/30/09 - "Weird Al" Yankovic

With his monthly releases in the middle of the year on the internet, which are collectively called, "Internet Leaks" of songs which will appear on his next album, Weird Al put out some absolutely classic songs. "Whatever You Like" was retroactively classified an 'Internet Leak.' Then the songs, "Craigslist", "Skipper Dan", "CNR" and "Ringtone" came out about a month apart from each other. It was a good summer.

Of these, a couple stood out above the rest. "Skipper Dan" is a catchy original about a man who was a good actor who never quite made it and is now a tour guide on the Jungle Cruise ride at Disneyland. I asked a tour guide about it if they hated Al now. Another guide started humming it. They have a good sense of humor.

But my #2 song of the year is "CNR". 'CNR' is short of Charles Nelson Reilly - a gameshow icon of the 1970's. He is most notable as a regular on the Match Game. This song is about Charles Nelson Reilly being given Norris-like powers - even at one point having the head of Chuck Norris mounted to his wall. Jib Jab did the video for this (a fun site). The video is missing one verse that you must buy the mp3 (or wait for the CD to come out) to hear. The ultimate machoness attributed to him is quite ironic considering how unmacho Charles Nelson Reilly was. Part of what makes it funny.

So with the spoof of all Chuck Norris, here's my #2 song of the year, "CNR"



Lyrics
Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood 8 foot tall, wore glasses
And he had a third nipple on the back of his neck
He ate his own weight in coal
And excreted diamonds every day
He could throw you down a flight of stairs
But you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France
With two flat tires and a missin' chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry
I'm tellin' you the man was insane
He could rip out your beatin' heart
And show it to you right before you died
Every day he'd make the host of Match Game
Give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, a two-hour piggyback ride
Giddyup, Gene!

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser beam eyes
Oh yeah
Oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah
Oh yeah, that was somethin' to see, I tell ya

(Verse not in video)
Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings
As a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded
With an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles
Than any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building
And he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe
Didn't even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole
He'd bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn't treat him like a star
'Cause you can spit in the wind or tug on Superman's cape
But Lord knows you just don't mess around with CNR
No no no
Talkin' bout CNR
Ohh