1/24/10 - Below Average Dave

My wife and I both got new phones just recently with a plan that has unlimited texting. This is good since my wife has on occasion gone over her text limit and we had to pay a little extra to cover it. Me, I don't text. Except to her in reply. I'd rather watch TV and check twitter on my phone so the unlimited data helps too.

Not being a text aficionado, I sometimes have to try to decipher the texts I do get. TTYL? ILY? ORLY? OMGWTFBBQ? How does she learn these things (I made that up)? So here is Below Average Dave sharing my texting struggle with his song, "Text Messaging Ain't Right". Enjoy:

Dave is on Soundclick and on his website, not to mention he is a moderator at the AmIRight Parody Network.

Lyrics
LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO
LOL

Compact what I'm saying
when typing
Abbreviate what I see
Say B.R.B.
What does that mean, Frustration
from conversation
F.Y.I., it makes me cry you see
Words are out of style
Never spell out U
Can you spell out a word or two
Looking like a stooge
He said T.Y. , it meant thank you?
W.T.F. is with that dude?
And they speak it too, from their mouths cutting verbs
Stutter half the time and I do not know the words
I still spell out hello, shows my age
They all think that I'm J.K.

What's with that word MILF?
What does that word mean?
Text Messaging ain't right, what's that, what's that
Still wondering bought MILF?
I'm not joking when I say
What's That?

LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO
LOL

That text was bold, feeling old
I can't keep up as this stuff unfolds
And I don't have a damn prayer
Stressing out here
Smileys are emotions with a face
I understand that
It's 2.M.O.Z. I can't take
It wont stop, It spreads around, I go flop
Need to drop this system
put full speak back on top
Put it back up
I'm still typing out my sentence
Spelled it out again
And spelled it out again I said

What's wrong with spelling out 'too'
I don't know, I'll never have a damn clue
What does it mean when they say F.U.
It's spinning my head

This new language hell, cuts English like swiss
Text Messaging ain't right, what's that, what's that
Making my brain melt
I Can't read what you've displayed
To-night

What does S.O.B. mean I don't know
I.M. is unappealing, it's not like speaking
In fact it really kinda blows
I can't comprehend it, though I try
When I try to dissect it my mind is fried
And it's such a damn fright, a fright

Shorten things to hell
It still don't feel quite right, oh well
oh well
When you text by cell
I think you meant Ash Tray?

Ash-Tray?

Good-Lay?

Let's-Plaaaay?

Wrong-Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay?

LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO

(LOL, LMAO continues in the background)
Short text get's old, sucks at most
T.T.Y.L until your vocab grows
Someday think we could speak
I swear full text
I think I'm perplexed when I ty-y-y-y-y-y-y-pe

LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO
LOL, LMAO

Please let text speak go. . .