11/18/09 - Dave Allikas

One of my favorite things to hear each year are the Darwin Awards. These awards go to those who have cleared out some of the defectiveness that may infect the gene pool because they did something so dumb that they probably died.

Well, Dave Allikas has an idea to make the Darwin Awards obsolete by being preemptive. This song is called, "Everyone Out of the Gene Pool."

He has one song on Soundclick but has 5 listed on his homepage at http://www.daveallikas.com

Lyrics
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL
Copyright 2008 by Dave Allikas

VERSE 1
If I had my dream job, it would be as a lifeguard
Of the whole human race
Id sit up high where I could see it all, with just one duty:
To keep from taking place
Any couplings between the kinds of people
Who bring the planet down
Like the mean, the cruel, the brainless, thoughtless, selfish, loud, obnoxious, rude
You get the message: nearly your whole town.

CLIMB 1
In fact, with the beauties hot to propagate today
It might be safer just to stand up once an hour and say:

CHORUS 1
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL
Im not impressed, folks, with much of what Im seeing
So EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL
Im sure its best not to spawn a human being
From the pond scum thats around; it seems
Beyond some of the worst bad dreams
Ive ever had to picture what might sprout
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL.

VERSE 2
Now I regret Id have to keep you nice folks
Off of one another, too
But Im sorry--the risk is far too great
Tell me, friends, what would you do
In a world where teenage boys wear earrings--in their tongues
College grads smoke cigars
Rich old guys dump their wives, bus drivers pass up riders, hip-hop sells, and slobs throw trash from cars

CLIMB 2
Yes, if Im tempted to relent, I know the cure
Ill take one look down, then Ill reiterate, for sure,

CHORUS 2
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL
Ill spear any sperm that I see swimming by me
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL
Steer clear of those ova, Casanova; boy, dont try me
We dont need your sons and daughters
Try to breed em in these waters
And youd better be a bass or trout;
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL.

BRIDGE
Yes, Id make the human race lie fallow
While waiting for our DNA research
To cleanse the chromosomes of traits like nasty, phony, shallow,
Vain, profane; then Ill proclaim from my perch:

CHORUS 3
Everyone back in the gene pool
Go make like rabbits, folks; mankind has come unneutered, but
Youll get no slack in the gene pool
Watch those old habits, folks; if one goth girl accoutered
In Morticia black tries to embrace
Some militia wack with a tattooed face
Ill know science let us down, and shout:
EVERYONE OUT OF THE GENE POOL.